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I don't know you

thiscantbeall posted on Oct 04, 2008 | views: 61 | Tags: sorrow, only you have the power
You tell me your heart is broken, you're crushed. I don't even know who you are anymore. This relationship, this marriage you've been in for 29 years...was I part of it?

For 29 years I've watched couples interact with each other, with others, with their children, and couldn't understand why we didn't have that, why we weren't that close. If I attempted to speak to you as though we were close, intimate, as though we knew each other and shared secrets, the way people who love each other do, you acted as though you had no idea what I was talking about.

If I teased about something, a silly habit of yours, you told me I embarrassed you. If I tried to join in a conversation when we were with your family, you'd tell me to let someone else talk, I didn't know what I was talking about.

When my children were young, you always told them not to bother me. I never knew this until recently. You tried to make them love you more than they loved me because you were jealous of the bond we had.

You did the same with my grandchildren, and now they adore you. They tolerate me. You were jealous because they are my grandchildren. I never felt that way, that was all in your mind.

You have hated everything about me since the day we met, and were determined to change me into the woman you wanted.

I tried to be that woman.
And now I hate you.
And you are heart broken.
And once again I'm wrong.


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Comments

  • secretlife said on Oct 04, 2008....
    you're still blaming him-
    and it's not just his fault.
     
    so he's heartbroken, and you're empty.
    you both lose.
     
    i hope you go your way and he goes his way and someday
    you can stop thinking that he's evil personified. 
    and i pray you're happier than you obviously have been for hte
    past 29 years. 
     
  • donnaaaaa said on May 27, 2009....
    Oh..."Thiscantbe...."
    My heart breaks for you because I know how you feel. 
    Blame, and the reasons for it is such a horrible thing.  I wonder why we put ourselves through this, over and over and over until we have no self left and get up each day and find that we are not living at all. 
    My husband and I are living seperate lives for almost six months now...and unfortunately, I am still blaming him.  It is something that I am trying not to do...but people have a way of making you feel guilty for the things that THEY do.  I haven't been around to read previous posts, but I will come back later to "catch up" on your life....but I  understand the hurt in your heart right now...Just from reading this single post...and in my heart I give you a hug......a big hug...cause sometimes you really need that...
    It's hard not to be sad...believe me when I say...I wear a "happy mask" everyday....but the hours that I am alone...I feel the saddness, sometimes so overwhelming, that I don't know what to do...but I believe that ONE DAY...happiness, will be there for me....and I pray that you get past all the Bullshit!! and are happy too.......now come...give a little smile...yup,  you can do it.....just a little smile.........there ya go.......

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MY WORDS

poetzsoul posted on Nov 12, 2009 | views: 39 | Tags: poetry, hurt, sorrow
My words, my thoughts.... read entire post 4 comments