I talk to you everyday, rain or shine.  You constantly cross my mind no matter how busy I am or what is going on in my life.  I hope you know how much of an impact that you made on all of us.

 

You completed me.  I told you this so many times before, and I know you understood then as you do now.  With you being gone, I am a half now and not a whole.  I'm getting stronger now, day by day, and it is because of you that I am here.

 

I want to be with you still- sharing laughter and tears, looking forward to the next day.  We still share so many things, but in a different light.  We share laughter, even if it's only my voice that I hear.  We share tears as well, and I cry them for both of us.

 

You taught me so many things about life, people, love.  I hear your voice in my mind everyday encouraging me and directing me.  Your words never fell on deaf ears, as I still remember everything you told me.  I pray for you to be by my side, but you have left me with so much that I only need to turn inward to know what you would say or how you would feel.

 

Your words of encouragement and reassurance stay with me everyday.  So many obstacles have crossed my path, and your words have allowed me to overcome so much even though you are gone.  I thank you for everything you have done for me, then and now.

 

You were my first love.  I remember not so long ago I reminded you of this, and you tried to pretend that you didn't believe me.  We both knew the ties we had over the years.  We always seemed to weather the storm and come out on top.  We were meant to be together- remember how we would say that?

 

I remember the first time you said I was your soulmate and it brought tears to my eyes.  I remember how you would look at me when you told me you loved me, staring deep into my eyes.  You always made me feel loved, during the good times and the bad, you always made me feel loved.

 

We shared so many beautiful experiences that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.  We taught eachother how to love- completely and whole heartedly.  I watched you grow from a boy into a man and was able to share in that with you. 

 

Nothing could have prepared me for this.  I know now that in your own way, you were trying to.  God put it in your soul to prepare for your homecoming, and you did.  You were ready to be received by your Creator, even if I wasn't ready to let you go.  I am still not ready, God forgive me, but I am trying. 

 

I would always say that we were going to grow old together.  You would always come back with your "but if"  and I didn't want to hear it.  I wish I would have listened more.  That's the one thing that kicks me everyday, listening when you were trying to prepare me for this.  You felt your time was drawing near and I was too blinded by everyday life to listen.  I was looking to our tomorrow while you were enjoying our today.  I never would have thought that at 30 I would be a widow, or that at 34 you would be gone.  I would have, I should have, and I could have- if only I knew our time together would be so short.

 

I ask God everyday "Why?", and "What did I do to deserve this?".  I know it's selfish, but I would rather have you here sick than not at all.  I would have enjoyed taking care of you, if it meant we would have had more time.  It would have given me the chance to prepare better, and to make sure that you had a chance to do everything you might have wanted to do.  I know that we will see one another again.

 

I know you went home happy.  I know that you were prepared, mentally and spiritually.  I know that you ae in a better place, but I still want you here with us.  It is getting easier for us with each passing day, but your memories linger on.  When I think of you I am sad, but you have shown me that you are still watching over us. 

 

Thank you, for being you, for loving me and our children, for being a provider, a friend, a lover and confidant.  Thank you for allowing me to be who I am.  Thank you for accepting me with all of my faults, and for always loving me.  Thank you for trying to show your family how much I meant to you.  Thank you for all of the beautiful memories that we shared.  Thank you for being here in life and death.  Thank you for giving me the chance to know real love.  Thank You, I love you. I miss you.