Has anybody ever gotten that feeling that you really really really want to type, or write, or whatever...but yet you can't even think of what, or find the time?  I've been having that the last few days but as of yet have not gotten a lot of time to do so.  I mean, I always find something to ramble about...but I don't necessarily come into these sorts of things prepared.  It drives me insane, the need to do this, the urge, but yet there's nothing to say.  With all the other idiocy going on in my life you would think I could come up with something, but I guess my brain just decides that 'No, today isn't the day you completely open the flood gates on that one yet.'  So I'm left with fidgety hands and nothing to do.  So here I am rambling.  I would write...but I haven't decided yet if I want to begin a new story or not.  My computer crashed a few months back, so I haven't got any of my previous unfinished works to continue on...which I think that's where these bouts are coming from.  I know I had them, they weren't done and there isn't a thing I can do about it.  I don't know about any other writers, but myself personally, once I've started something and it gets erased somehow...there is no re-creating it.  It will never be the same, never meet the high expectations you suddenly have for it, no matter if it was the most insignificant part of the piece you were writing.  You just have to take a new path and run it.  I'm like teetering on this edge...I want to jump and start something new...but not quite sure if I'm ready to yet, as it does tend to take a toll on my other obligations, as suddenly all I want to do is write, think of new concepts, new characters, new situations, etc.  I know this probably sounds horrible, but I mean really, I would love to be a writer for a living, but that just isn't feasible at the moment...but I suppose sequestering that part of me away isn't so feasible either.  But anyway, enough of that rambling...I swear it's like I have multiple personalities sometimes because I have no clue where that came from at all...but that's how I feel...although I didn't know it til I started typing.

Hmmm...so let's see...what else...yeah so on the family front I'm not appreciating my aunt so much right now.  Nothing directly is happening, but now, because of her whole little freak outfreakout about the bridal shower I now feel obligated to go to each gathering that's mentioned to me, whether I have my own obligations of equal or more importance or not.  Even the things I want to go do, now I feel some obligation to it...so instead of enjoying it, now I feel as though she screwed me over because now everybody will think I'm there out of obligation, not want.  It's family, you're supposed to want to go do things just for the hell of it...not out of ceremony or obligation!  So on a personal level I feel my aunt deserves every little bit of misery she's having right now.  Because at the moment, she is way too overloaded and her mother is threatening to remove her name from the family property so she has no stake over it as a result of my aunt's wanting to buy the property that now my dad, my uncle, another aunt and herself own.  She wants to buy it to keep it in the family.  She can't afford it, quite a few of us know she wouldn't be able to keep up with it (her current house is already run down so bad it could burn down at any minute but she refuses to take the time to let anybody fix it, even family members who know some electrician knowledge) and that it would probably be a bigger burden just to have her here.  Her mother knows that she can't afford it and she's worried about something coming back at her property legally, so she wants my aunt removed...completely understandable if you ask me.  Then let's see, oh yes, her daughter is about to get married to a guy my aunt despises because he walks around all of their property (it's all joined) like he owns the place...doesn't ask to do things, just does them.  But, in his defense, he's almost the only one out there willing to do the work for the upkeep, everybody else is just being stubborn and won't do crap about the property that is falling apart around them.  Also, everybody is giving my aunt grief because basically, she never stopped wiping her children's asses once they grew out of diapers.  Her day consists of going to work, leaving and then going to do everything for her children.  Now, it's fine on occasion, I'm not saying parents have got to just shut their children out and never help them at all once they're adults...but this woman's life revolves around this sort of stuff.  Her health is degrading, she is obese, she's got heart problems, she now has back problems and that's just the tip of the ice burg....but she won't slow down, or tell her kids 'no, I can't' to give herself a break.  All of her children are grown...the youngest is in college, has a girlfriend (yeah, I have a lesbian cousin and it's the big family secret by the way) and does her own thing...her middle child is about to get married and has her own daughter (but she asks the least of her mother, so there is that) and her oldest is married, at least thirty years old, has four children and can't handle it all so she completely relies on her mother.  Now my aunt is having issues because everybody is telling her she needs to slow down before her kids run her into the ground, she is at risk for losing her property because of irresponsibility on her part and she is going to have a son in law that she can't stand because he's more of an adult than she is.  If you ask me, she brought this all on herself and now deserves it because most of her life she's always been the 'My way or the highway no matter what' kind of person.  I mean she gets mean and manipulative and everything...and now it's all coming back to bite her in the ass.  Enough of that though.

Work...going fine as usual, getting better and better at each aspect.  I have had no problems with the other lady coming in.  In fact I've still never even seen the woman.  So my problems are very little there.  Kind of nice.

Weight...going great still.  I'm eating so much better and it's really all starting to become routine, nothing that feels out of the ordinary.  I'm exercising more.  Granted, I have not been able to every night, as some more important tasks came up either with family or my husband (since yet again his car crapped out and we have to find something else for him to drive) but I have been so busy cleaning, running around and doing other things that I think it makes up for a missed walk.  Besides, on the days that aren't absolutely crazy I still do make time to walk the dog, so it's not as if I've stopped entirely, I just miss a day here and there.  I am excited because I've lost my first 5 pounds, not counting the water weight (6lbs) that I lost rapidly at first.  So I'm feeling good, doing well and am even more determined to keep at it.  I should've joined Weight Watchers a long time ago to be honest, but it's finally nice to be so enthusiastic about it.  Before I did this, I would get all gung ho about a diet for maybe a week or two and then that would fizzle out.  Going to weekly meetings though, that just revives my enthusiasm for it...so if anybody is reading this and thinking about joining...do it, it's been one of the smartest decisions I've made so far. 

So I think I've about typed myself out...I've got some cleaning to finish doing and some laundry...and...well a bunch of other stuff, lol.  So anyhoot, I'm outta here...those are my thoughts for the present moment and I feel better having them out!