Okay, so a week from now I'm getting married for the second (and final!) time in my life. (This is my last chance to blog about it.)
I hope like hell I've got it right this time around because things got sort of messed up the first time through it all. There are some fundamental differences this time though.
I think for many new couples, as I once was all those years ago, marriage is bliss for a while until the first child comes along. No matter how hard they want, hope and try for the new addition to not change anything, it always does. It's inevitable. For those silly people who think having a pet is like having a child, no flippin' way! Kid yourself all you like, a real human baby is not at all like that. The number of people I've run into that equate having a pet to having a baby is actually staggering ... they have no real clue, can't begin to understand what it's really like to have kids.
Many couples do just fine with a single child, and then a second. We did. At least, I think we did. The third started to cause some stresses I think. Too many years of always being busy doing something we'd never started out doing in the first place. No more dashing off to a movie or dinner with three kids. Sure, you can get a baby sitter but it just ISN'T the same. Sponteneity (in ALL things) takes a back seat.
After the third baby we were both very tired, her perhaps more than me. She had always wanted four but admitted she wouldn't, three had been more than enough in many ways as far as energy levels went. But we were drifting apart. I won't go into long, gory details that you don't want to hear and I don't want to write about. Suffice it to say, things happened that shouldn't have, and eventually things broke down completely.
So, here I am again. I feel I married the first time for the wrong reasons. I didn't know her like I should have, felt that time was a pressure, thought that there wasn't anybody else if I didn't take her. So I did. Ooops! Love was never in great store, and what little there was evaporated over the first few years anyway.
What is different this time? Well ... one biggie is we ALREADY have the kids. I've already had two additional children with my bride to be (hint .. not a Catholic wedding!) so we're PAST that having infants (almost) in the house stage. We have a blended family, hers, mine, ours varying between 4 and 7 kids. Yes, we have a Suburban. Because we NEED it. Not because we WANT to pay the fuel bills. It's more effecient than two smaller vehicles anyway.
We both understand life better, we both understand ourselves and each other better. This is it. We are in this for the long term. We're agreeing that we will work out any differences we have (and we know we'll have them, this is not a fairy tale world we live in and we know it this time). Things are about as tough as they'll be right now, they are bound to improve. We have young kids, but that's all we're having, they are growing up and collectively require a tad less effort each day. I pay my ex child and spousal support (don't get me STARTED on the spousal, she has three educational degrees!!!), and my fiance has a total and complete deadbeat for an ex who has not paid a CENT for his two kids the past several years. As time goes on, financially things will improve. Renovations (which are keeping me very busy right now) will be done in a few months and the equity in the house will increase, allowing us to make better use of it in the short term, and move into something nicer in the long turn. In a few years we won't need that big vehicle. I work a long way from home (1.5 hrs each way). We're working to change that.
Things in general are looking better in the future. In contrast to my first marriage where we were just starting the hard work of building a life. Now I'm much closer to that life I was working towards, it's just slightly over the horizon and it's coming.
I think that takes the stress of.
The wedding although in a way more work (1000 miles literally away), it's the wedding a lot of people would like but can't really have because of obligations. I proposed on the beach, on her birthday, at sunset. That was much better than Take 1, which was one of those "I suppose we should get married" type of things. We're getting married on that same beach, again at sunset, in the Fall which is when she particularly wanted to be married, so that is good too. A very small wedding, a small as can be expected when you'll have seven of your own kids in attendance! We don't have obligations (other than the kids who we already look after) on our wedding night so we can enjoy the evening. It's not a big church wedding although she is in a wedding gown and I in a tux (she didn't get the nice dress on her Take 1, so this is special in that way too).
Suffice it to say, it's the right ceremony and place etc. for us. We're looking forward to that part.
So with all that in mind, and with a beginning we both like, we're hoping it's the right leap of faith, than that things will work out in the long term.
