I have been virtually tear-free for the past few days. I have became a little teary eyed, but they have been tears of joy. I did my hair this morning, and have been in a generally good mood all day for once. I shared my experience with my father-in-law, who was encouraging as always. I have had a good day today. The children are even in better spirits. I know that their emotions are a reflection of how I feel, and I know it is going to get better for us.
My husband did not like to take pictures at all (like me), and it has been hard to gather photographs of him. Alot of them were taken of him by surprise, so his expressions are not the greatest. We had planned to take family portraits, and that was one of the many things left undone.
There was one photograph taken of us back in May at his grandmother's birthday party. His family passed the photograph around amongst themselves, and when it was time for me to see it, it was unexplicably "lost". I knew this wasn't true, but I couldn't do anything. I was angry over it for a few days, as it was the only picture mu]y husband and I took together. Fortunately, it found its way to me and I have saved it on my computer. I was looking at it last night, and the thought hit me to save it as my background on my computer. No sooner had I thought it, that it was set automatically on it's own. I just laughed as soon as it happened, and started talking to my husband. I know he did it, he was reading my mind as he did so often in life.
I have thought twice about sharing my experiences with anyone other than those at SoulCast, and my father-in-law. I didn't want it to come off as crazy, but I did check a few websites that claimed others having similar experiences during grieving. I already knew it was him, but it helped clear up the little doubt that said "what if". I know now without a doubt my husband has sent me his signs to let me know he is okay and watching over us.
I pray that this stage of grief is apart of the healing process. It feels so good to know he is here with me, somewhere, in energy or spirit. The physical lonliness has started to fade, and I have his companionship here with me. I can talk to him, and he can listen, and I can feel safe and comforted because he is here.
I hope the tears of sadness have faded as well, to be replaced with tears of joy. My joy is knowing he is safe, and watching over us. My prayers for a sign have been answered and my faith is beginning to become restored.
I can move forward, one step at a time. I know I can
