I have a confession to share.

I'm a mom, have been for almost a year. I love my baby. I know he's not the most "developmentally advanced" baby in the world, nor is he the smartest, or the best behaved. But I love him. The love I have for this child is overwhelming, powerful, and frightening. I would gladly die for him (though I'd prefer to spend many more years with him, given the choice).

That's not the confession. This is:

He's the only baby I love, and often the only one I even like. Other people's kids drive me nuts.

I'm looking after a friend's baby a few days a week this month (she's a few weeks older than my little guy, almost a year old). It's alright sometimes; when she's not tired and cranky or teething she's pretty sweet, and I think it's good for my baby to have to share me, just a little. Too bad she's usually tired and/or cranky and/or teething. She drives me crazy some days- she's just not what I'm used to. I'm accustomed to my little guy, who can play by himself for a little while if I want to do a quick email catch-up or comment on a few SoulCast posts. This one needs almost constant one-on-one attention. She won't hold her own bottle, even though she's way ahead of my little guy in other areas of development; she just has no interest. She refuses to nap unless I spend 20 minutes singing to her... and then she wakes up when the door creaks as I close it. She clings. She throws things. She pulls the cat's tail.

Do I feel bad about not liking her sometimes? You bet I do. Not one of these things is her fault. She was born with the personality she has, and she's not old enough yet to try to change it. The sleep thing might be another personality issue, or it might stem from her frequent nights in mom and dad's room, I don't know. It doesn't matter, anyway. But that doesn't change my exasperation.

I had the same problem when I was a teenager and my mom ran a daycare out of our house. My mom is amazing with kids. She can love another person's child like it was her own, and every baby and child that entered our home was loved and nurtured like it would have been in its own home. Me? I took them individually; some I liked, some I didn't. I was nice to all of them, sure. It was just harder with some than it was with others. When I told my mom I didn't want kids, she told me it would be different when I had my own. Boy, was she right! But I thought that once my "maternal" side switched on, I'd enjoy other people's kids, too. No such luck, obviously.

I think I know what the problem is, though. Like I said before, I love my son. When he's cranky, tired, misbehaving, being clingy, [insert annoying behaviour here]... I still love him. I can see his behaviour through the eyes of someone who has known him all his life, who knows his personality, knows what he needs and what he can't handle. And even when I don't particularly like what he does, I'll always love him. With other people's kids, I just don't have that love (or, obviously, any natural affection for children in general) to fall back on.

I try so hard... I pretend I love the baby I'm looking after, and I try to act like I do, because she deserves good care while she's here. Every child should feel loved. I strugle not to lose my temper, and so far I haven't. But I sigh with relief when she goes home, leaving me in my world where I don't have to fake it. I'm glad it's only for a few weeks...

It's only going to get worse, isn't it? I will never understand where other people's kids are coming from, and my baby's peers are going to do far more annoying things than whining as they get older. They're going to teach my kid to swear. They're (more likely than not) going to tease him. They're going to have bad attitudes.

Am I a bad person? Does anyone else not like other people's kids, even the little ones? (PS- I don't generally dislike little babies- they're just kind of lumps, anyway. Not much to like or dislike, there. It's when they start turning into people that they make me batty) Should I feel bad? Get some kind of therapy? Quit beating myself up?