I See Stars & Butterflies & Witches

 

Not like celebrity stars, or stars that hang in the night sky. I see small pin dots of light flashing in my eyes. Sometimes the pin dots get big and they are like fireflies. Bright glowing dots of light that flutter all around me like leaves in the Fall.

 

Have you been punched or in a car crash where you are dazed? Kind of like in cartoons when a character gets hit in the head like Wyle E. Coyote. It's a lot like that. Fluttering sparks of bright light, almost gold, almost divine. They flutter about like a swarm of fire flies in a meadow by the Mississippi on a warm summer night. Stars that swirl around your head as if you were the center of a vortex.

 

I see hundreds of them fluttering about, quizzically zipping back and forth. Everywhere i turn they are there, as if following me always in my field of vision.

 

It doesn't happen to often, but then again it does. Triggered by what I have no clue, maybe a tumor? Brain damage? I see them maybe once a week and they are impossible to ignore.

 

I can see them clearly on the brightest day, or laying in my bed in the dark. They can fill the darkness with so much light.

 

I know it's not real, I mean, it can't be.

 

These episodes only last a few moments, maybe a minute or two at most. I suppose I should be alarmed, it's a indicator of some kind of "trouble". I have had them for years and have just never thought much of it. Never brought it to the attention of a doctor, fearful of unnecessary testing and the results of what they might find.

 

Brain tumor? So what? I don't give much thought to my continued existence. I am not suicidal, nor lack the wanton will to live I just accept what God throws my way, and should he will me to be hit by a bus then so be it.

 

So be it.

 

I suppose I am curious as what these episodes are, but then again not really. I don't have intense head aches or loose control of my bodily functions. I guess it doesn't feel serious so I let it slide.

 

Doctors are all voodoo witch doctors anyways. Yes, I am that ignorant. I scoff at the modern medical establishment and would rather cure myself with Native American Indian magic than let some guy in a white coat stare into my brain.

 

It's a matter of trust, and I don't trust them.

 

They diagnose you with all kinds of weird shit these days to sell you cat scans and medications you can live without. Sure there is merit to some medical practices but frankly I refuse to live in fear of what I may or may not have.

 

It's a dangerous way to live and I don't recommend it for everyone. It was just something I got from my old fashioned grandpa. He drank and smoked for 80 years, shot at indians, fought Germans in WWII and only saw a doctor 3 times in his whole life. He called doctors "charlatans" and would cure himself with old housewife cures like rubbing lemon juice on your joints to ease the pain or hanging upside down to avoid strokes.

 

Sure something preventable might kill me one day, like said brain tumor, but we are all going to die anyways. Who am I to change the destiny laid out before me? I suppose it does sound kind of archaic but I'm pretty old fashioned.

 

Like 16th century old fashioned.

 

I like to think the world is flat, and that concepts like gravity and advanced mathematics are the devil's work. Witches should be burned, women have no soul, and whatever ignorance was popular at the time is what I believe. Yes, I am that backwards. At least I like to pretend.

 

I think contracts have no value nor should, paper should not dictate what men promise and deliver. I think men should say what they think, do as they say, and finalize a deal with a strong handshake with God as a witness.

 

I think bartering was a good way to exchange goods for goods or services. I would trade donkey rides on my donkey for bar wench time. I think currency might be devil related like they say. I think if a witch sinks, she's a witch. If you go against the bible too much you should be burned at a stake. People who break the law too much should be put in the gallows so that the village children can throw rotten tomatoes and vegetables on them. I would pee on public offenders who were drawn and quartered. I would occasionally throw potatoes too as the density is lesser than that of a rock, but greater than that of a soft vegetable or fruit.

 

I think a potato to the face would hurt a lot. You would learn to find remorse quickly; there were death row prison inmates in San Quentin who never find remorse. A few dozen potatoes to the face would change that ass quick.

 

I would go to the village square every week to see who was chained in the gallows. I would bring a whole sack of Idaho Russet potatoes, maybe the ones that have grown sprouts. I would bring a thermos of cold drink, maybe a hat and sunglasses and make a day of it. We could get cheap entertainment and justice at the same time. Sounds better than the beach doesn't it?

 

I would record it on video and upload my potato attacks on YouTube.

 

I would accept any duel from any man. Should he cut off my horse drawn cart with his own on the dirt path, I would challenge him to a sword dual to the death or whatever barbaric ritual for mediation that was used back then.

 

I would fear books, fear knowledge and printed type face. Arial or Verdana is scary when you think about it.

 

I would fear science, and Darwin would be the devil's bitch. I say burn him at the stake, and all those astronomers too.

 

I would believe in alchemy and no doubt practice it myself, the art of turning lead to gold. I would make false claims every week and promise the kings of Europe we are "Very close" to finding the formulae.

 

If people talked about freedom of rights, freedom of religion, equal rights, pursuit of happiness, etc. etc. I would report them to the local magistrate and witch hunter for hearsay. I would rat out all the witches of Salem out in a heartbeat. I don't like to think I am a snitch, but if we are talking about the occult in the 16th century I would be all over that shit.

 

"Burn the witch!"

 

I would have a giant foam finger that says just that. Maybe a t-shirt.

 

I would believe in the healing power of leeches and blood letting. Where sometimes they thought your blood contained toxins and had to "let it out". I would assume like everyone else that insanity was a transmittable disease. I would shun and prosecute those who are not like me.

 

Man, it's fun to be medieval.