To my crush:

I can't go back there. I can't be the small, scared, eager thing in the palm of your hand again. I've found the ground, and I'm focusing on my path ahead, as well as I can when your beauty and brilliance stand so large in front of me. I'm doing my best to keep my nose down, to shield my eyes, cover my ears and hold my breath as you are near. Or if I am weak, and allow myself some glimpse of you, I feel guilt and shame holding down the excitement inside.
You have no idea what it took for me to get over you, How long and terrible the struggle was, the highs and lows you've taken me through. I cannot leave myself open to be so devastated again.

And yet it is so tempting, the possibility of feeling your touch, even if it were to eviscerate me...