According to the bible I'm the type of person that is most likely going to hell because I went to God, and turned away during times of trials and tribulations.  I'm trying to get back into Christianity since the back pain was relieved in the church.  Maybe the pain was relieved by God for a reason.  Maybe as I was thinking before, not all of the bible is accurately God's word.  I do question the concept of washing one's self in the blood of Jesus though.  I think it's pretty sick.  They say that it's a good thing.  Still, to symbolize this concept as washing one's self in human blood is disturbing.  I don't think that he should have died in the way that he did.  I think that humans are a cruel species.  Perhaps the devil makes them that way.  I don't know.  One thing that I noticed is that the Pastor lied about something.  That disturbs me too.  He talks of righteousness, yet throws a loop of white lying into the mix.  I'm certainly upset by this in a sense.  I don't want to see a pastor sinning.  I know that it is common place anymore, but still.............why?  What was the purpose in it?  I hope that he fixes his ways.  Maybe God will assist him in doing so.  I don't know what this world is coming to.  He's a good person and all, so it's not like I'm mad at him.  I just am alarmed and worried.  Anyway, I'm going to continue to study the bible and stuff.  I am noticing that the symptoms of my schizophrenia are being alleviated more so than they are with just medication anyway.  I have had nightmares during the past two days though.  I may not be dealing with some things, but I am of others.  Go figure.  I know that I am not perfect either, so I shouldn't judge the pastor.  I just know who got the best of him.  I know who got the best of me last night as I masturbated too.  Another thing that I am disturbed by is the concept of eating a wafer and symbolizing that wafer as the body of Christ.  Are we supposed to be cannibals?  Seriously now.  What is this?  I'm confused by this whole thing.  I hope God enlightens me.