My second youngest is officially in counseling. He continues to break down in class and so they have set up counseling for him at school. I always thought psychologists and psychiatrists were for people with problems. I guess we have some problems. They are also extending the service to my other 2 children at the school should they need it in the future.
The trigger was the sweet part of it that brought me to tears. My son was in music class and the teacher asked everyone to partner up. He said when he heard "partner" it made him think about when we got married and he was sad. He cried the rest of the day yesterday. While he was telling me about his day, 2 of my other children became sad and started crying and we all ended up in tears.
I know that I need to go talk to someone- but there is this stigma in my mind that keeps stopping me. I'm not crazy or losing my mind. It feels like that sometimes, but I'm not that bad. I know I'm depressed and sad, so why do I need someone to tell me that? I might give it some more thought through the week.
I go all day without my telephone ringing. It was comforting at first, no in-laws to deal with or nosy people asking "How did he die?" or "I'm so sorry- What happened to him?". Then I realized I have no friends, no loving family members. The grass is knee high now and no more helpful neighbors cutting it. No babysitter for the nights I want to lock myself in the bathroom and cry. I come home from work to cook and clean and do homework all on my own. And the phone doesn't ring. No one checks on us or pretends to be concerned anymore. It's just the 5 of us against the world.
I have been thinking of letting my house go into foreclosure. I know it won't sell in this market, and I don't have the money or the manpower to fix it up or wait for it to sell. The memories smother me everyday, and I think a change of scenery would be good for all of us. I found a lovely house that is alot less expensive. My credit will be shot, but I may have peace of mind. Someone told me that even if I move it will still be the same without the memories...... I hope that isn't true.
