Its getting late here.  i worked 12 hours today and my eyes are feeling kinda tired.  i was thinking of smoking a joint.  or atleast a couple of hits off of one.  maybe my mood would improve. 

he pissed me off today.  standing at my job talking to a stranger about how long it took him to change............HE CHANGED???? when did that happen. the fucking liar.  cause he went to work for a fucking week instead of going out and boozing it up with his friends...??? WTF!! i just looked at him for i was tooo shocked to even say anything.  oh my God he makes me sick. 

maybe it's cause i don't love him.  AND I CAN'T BELEIVE HE DOESNT FUCKING KNOW THAT!! oh my God it's like everything is fine and dandy....!!!!!!!!!!!!! ugh if i could punch these keys on this keyboard through my desk, that's what i'd be doing right now cause i'm just pounding down trying to spit these words out.  He acts like cause he says so everything is better! ugh!!!  i'm rubbing my forehead right now, trying to get the idea out of my head. 

i can't wait to wake his ass up!! when i'm walking out of the fucking door for treating my  like shit for 25 fucking years.

so  anyway...........worked sucked.  it always does when you put in days like that.  my feet hurt, my eyes are tired....yeah i think i will smoke that.

i haven't seen my friend in almost two weeks.  i'm thinking he may be avoiding me.  or gone away or something.  all i know is that i wanna call him and tell him that i miss him.  no i don't wanna do that..........i wanna call him and tell him to come over and do me ..........good!! but i WONT do that.  that would be crazy.  i thought of texting him....but i won't do that either.  i know he will show up.  i know why he stays away..........that husband thing.......God i even hate calling him my husband.  i feel as though i haven't been married for such a long time.  He showed me how to do that..(the "husband" ) 

There is such emptiness in my heart.  it will never be good with him again.  he made me loose my faith and trust........how can there be a relationship without that.  he made me want out....even though he doesn't.  I'm not the one that did this.  and now the FUCK says he's changed.......oh for goodness sake.........ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK........anger is out.......thank you for the vent........now.......smoke the joint.  take a bath.....read till i go to sleep........hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (big, big sigh)