• MoonLiteRide said on Sep 22, 2008....

  Ah yes, the agony of loving someone who is not in a primary relationship with you. The BDSM aspect of this is almost secondary in this situation, the emotions run much the same as they would if it were all vanilla. Although sometimes ... it's worse because you feel the others in his life are likely not practicing the lifestyle with him. Your emotions aside, perhaps you feel she may not understand him as you do and hence the hurt is more. It can be a double edged sword. What makes him such a wonderful Dom for you may be perhaps in part to how he relates to others in his life. In other words, take away his "first priority" in life and you may find he's actually less of a Dom than you'd like. Not so say you wouldn't love the chance to find out but I suspect if your ultimate wish were fulfilled it would not be quite the same. All this aside, you're just not in a happy place plainly. It's good to vent though, it helps you internally put things in place and perspective. It's good to dream and want, it does actually keep you stimulate your imagination and keep you more alive in some ways. Curious, does your Dom approve of your venting like this? Appologies, I am new to your writings and do not know your situation in the least. Were you my sub however, I would approve of the venting in general, but would not necessarily want all the specifics to be written. You should be allowed to vent when you need to, sometimes in public, and sometimes to others understanding of your situation. He needs his space it sounds ... and you are in the wrong place right now. Perhaps it will not last that way for much longer and things will ease. Best of luck to you. Both

• DaddysLittleSlut said on Sep 22, 2008....

  Hi Sir,

  Thank you for your insights. 

  Yes Master sent me to SoulCast to journal and learn from others.. including writing about my feelings.  I've asked and been timid about revealing too much but He has indicated that all is permitted as long as He is not identified.

  I do enjoy the longing for more and realizing that there won't be more... reality versus fantasy ........i enjoyed the excitement of waiting to see him, and bringing him special gifts for the occassion.  I don't believe i could have the "fun all the time" relationship with a full time lover.  it would be nice but that seems like an even bigger fantasy.

  I think right now in His life being a Dom is not a priority but, that's just me second guessing and i don't know.  I think that being a Dom is a huge responsibility and my understanding is that He is having too many responsibilities at this time.

  I'm sure His best advise to me right now would be to keep Him informed and take care of my needs on my own.  I don't know how to interpret His silence.  He told me flatly that He is still my Master and is here when He can.   I just feel that i'm not measuring up as a supportive friend.

  Dls

  oh thank you again for your comments Sir and welcome to Soulcast

• MoonLiteRide said on Sep 22, 2008....

  Thanks for your kind welcome.
   
  Looking at things through perhaps a different viewpoint, although on the one hand he may appreciate your support, he perhaps can't access as he might otherwise like to because of his primarily obligations and situation.  It makes it tougher on you, unable to actually show the support you feel for him.
  All you can best hope for sometimes is that he understands your feelings even if you are unable to interact with him and express them.
   
  Hopefully you are not correct and his silence does not indicate a bigger issue.  If there were an issue with him toward you I should hope he would make that clear.  The fact that he indicates he is still your master is a good indication of how he wans things to do even if they don't quite seem that way at present.
   
  Now ... I should figure out something to blog about myself rather than just be in a reactive role (although even as Dom, that does suit me best most of the time!)
   

• pusscat said on Sep 22, 2008....

  Oh dls - I feel your hurt just as you have always felt mine.  Geography and logistics suck big time right now cos you know I'd bust a rib or two of yours with a big hug and your hand would be all sweaty after one of my long, reassuring hand squeezes :-)
  
  One thing I have never had doubt about, from the outside looking in dls, is what you mean to your Master.  You have come too far my darling for those insecurities to have any place here now.  Shoo!  Away with you!!  Nurture and Nature has tought us over our lifetimes how to support someone.  A loving hug, a knowing smile, doing those little chores for the other person to take pressure off of them.  These are the things we wrestle with at a distance from them.  It is so hard to know HOW to support that person but, him just knowing you are there when he needs you, him knowing that you are venting here to keep your sanity, him knowing that you are doing everything in your power to keep yourself well is more support than you probably know.
  
  Those you speak of who try to turn your head and your heart are wasting their time.  If they cared about you at all my darling they would be offering solice not confusion.  Shame on them!   I also believe that, if your Sir was not doing what he is doing right now, taking burdens on, taking the lead in handling difficult situations, he wouldn't be the Dom you thought he was would he?  He may come out of this a little bruised, frayed at the edges, and very tired, but he will still be your Sir.  What a sight for sore eyes you are going to be for him when that time comes dls.  My word, you had better be ready too LOL!! ;-)    One more thing - consider your thigh well and truly slapped my girl for not coming to my e-mail.  My inbox is always there for you my little slutty friend.
  
  pusscat
  

• pusscat said on Sep 22, 2008....

  MoonLiteRide - welcome to Soulcast Sir.  How nice it is to see another Dom here.  Anything at all that we can help you with - using My Conversation tabs etc please feel free to ask.
  
  Enjoy the ride (no pun intended :-)
  
  pusscat
  

• DaddysLittleSlut said on Sep 22, 2008....

  Oh Pusscat,
  You sent me running to the ladies room with tears streaming down my face and nose full.  You know how much of a test this one is for me.. my rock my strength is silent and i'm so scared without him and for him.
  I know i must be strong because i can't let go in my heart but...
  yep but.. i've never been here before and i'm scared
  Dls

• pusscat said on Sep 22, 2008....

  Scared is a good emotion my darling - it keeps us on our toes and will save our butts so many times.  The scariest place on earth to be sometimes is the unknown.  But your Sir can never leave you - he's beside you.   On some A4 paper, write down on the left all those things that are scaring you, i.e. Master leaving you, then, on the right, write down why you have no need to be scared of him leaving you i.e. cos he has never lied to you yet and you KNOW he would tell you if he was gonna leave you.  Do you see babe?  Put those nasty, haunting things that frighten you down, right in front of you in black and white and then watch their power fade as you counter balance them with the positive answers that you already have in you.
  
  Silence is one of the worst scares, i know.  Jeez, that has always been my biggest!!  But, silence from my Dom never resulted in tragedy as that is not the way he works nor is it the way your Sir would work.
  
  Take care babes
  
  pc
  
  PS - I hope all those tarmac grazes have gone now darling - how's the bike doing?
  

• DaddysLittleSlut said on Sep 22, 2008....

  oh and look PC, your psychic hotline is working again.  Just as i hit submit (i swear that's the perfect button).. guess who's im pops up for me to let me know that nothing has changed between us but his availability at the present time.
   
  Oh love
  Dls

• collared_whore said on Sep 22, 2008....

  hi dls,
   
  i feel for you, i really do.  i am struck by your words in response to a comment:  "he told me flatly that He is still my Master."  Use those words and that knowledge to help you get through the silences and the loneliness, and use those words to tell those insecurities to take a hike!  Hang in there!
   
  hugs, c_w

• DaddysLittleSlut said on Sep 22, 2008....

  There's no place like Soulcast for when I need to feel connected to others.  I've tried the other sites and i'm so overwhelmed.  Here i feel like there's real women, real men with genuine, honest concerns.  Maybe because its not a hook up site..i'm not sure ...but thank you all once again for helping me through this.
  But its true just as i'm wiping my nose and responding to Pusscat's words.. up pops yahoo im and Master explaining his whole situation.  Pusscat has a magic to her doesn't she.
  Oh i feel for Him.  And it will be rough for me but, i will draw from the strength of each of you for i remember reading your posts and knowing that trust and faith are the key.  I'm relying also on Master's teachings in the same areas.  He said again to day that trust and faith are mandatory.
  
  As for the road rash.. just at the final healing stages.. almost have the bandages off completely.  The bike is fully recovered.  My new riding buddies are amazing--  Angel dug through his old parts- mirrors, leather fringes (just like floggers), foot pegs, CoolBike broke out the wrenches, PrettyBoy got on the phone and found the parts in needed in stock.  They had me looking good for the 9/11 memorial ride 3 days later.
  
  Thanks everyone.. expect to hear from me again tho..lol
  Dls
  

• onlymimi said on Sep 22, 2008....

  dls -- Reading this is like taking a stroll through my own thoughts.  I understand exactly how you feel, I really do.  My Master told me the very same thing.  He still considers Himself my Master, but has had little time for any kind of meaningful interaction with me for many weeks.  I feel rudderless.  Am I His sub or not?  How long do I wait?  I guess I'm trying to look at it as an opportunity to grow as a sub, and to work on aspects of my own submission that could use a little (or a lot of) work. 

  But the uncertainty of not really knowing one's place is painful.  Hang in there, dls.  You know the reward for patiently waiting for Him will be wonderful.  He is blessed to have such a faithful, loyal sub.  {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

• pusscat said on Sep 23, 2008....

  I am so so pleased for you dls :-))
  
  Magic eh?. . . .I wish it worked on me
  

• wannabesub said on Sep 23, 2008....

  it appears i am behind in my reading, I apoligze dls for that.
   
  i dont want to jump the gun and say that Sir J is technically my Dom since, well, i am not 100% sure. but, i know how it feels to be away from Him. I have only met Him once so I can't fully understand  your feelings. But, i do know what its like to not get a phonecall when He says he is going to call.
  Take a deep breath, relax, and remember you are His and everything will be alright:-)
   
  take care,
  wbs
   
  p.s. remember these words when it becomes my turn. i have a feeling ill be posting some of these very same posts in the future! :-)

• DaddysLittleSlut said on Sep 24, 2008....

  Everyone.. thanks so much for your best wishes.. you always help me so much.

  Mimi.. (((((((hugs))))))))) right back to you  ..........patient ..lol right.   But, the lesson for me is in trust and faith.

  I did talk to Master long enough for Him to tell me that He just didn't have the emotional strenght just then to reassure me.  After posting my blog and recieving all the comments, i was able to steel up a bit and it turned out to be such a great thing.  Master was pleased that i had learned more trust and faith, it also took some of the pressure that i was causing him off, and all of that resulted in me feeling so much more connected and strong in my service to Him. 

  It feels so good to know i am serving my Master.
  Dls

• T's_Pet said on Sep 24, 2008....

  dls:
   
  First, glad you are up and about again - and your bike as well. That is really great news.
   
  I'm just parroting what everyone else has already said - we ALL have felt this way at times.  It is hard to wait, not knowing or letting your thoughts get carried away thinking of the worst.  I have done it with my sweet Sir T and I feel badly about it.  We have been together exactly a year now and if THAT isn't saying something, what is?  But there have been times when His life has kept him from me or even from interacting much.  And you are spot on - He is not an ordinary man.  Our relationships ARE different.  I would run in a vanilla relationship from some of the feelings i experience with T but He has wisely reminded His pet that my dependency on Him is a large part of us. 
   
  Even today after a fantastically good time together, I got back to work and someone asked me if I was ok - that I seemed upset.  I hate when people say that - it becomes like a self-fulfilling prophecy.   I wasn't upset - only on a bit of a down after seeing Him, knowing it may be awhile before it happens again.  I so love to be with Him or even IMing - it all makes me feel so calm and content.  Our brains tend to overanalyze every little thing into something awful.  I let this go on today after seeing Him for a short time and then I IMed Him and just said I had a weird vibe and were we ok?  "yes of course we are ok"  was His response.  I am a silly pet who thinks too much.
   
  I can only say how i feel, how i have felt when He needed time/space and that is that i had no desire for anyone else.  Knowing i was waiting for Him, listening when He let me made me feel close, attached in a different way - He said it best once "we help each other".  DSL - you care for Him, i know you desire to do best for Him - don't listen to others who just want to steal you away. 
   
  Sorry for the rambling and probably no new thoughts . . . sending you a big hug.
  T's_Pet

• DaddysLittleSlut said on Sep 24, 2008....

  Thanks Pet, 
  The support here really does mean the world to me.  I know what you mean about the self-fulfilling prophecy.  Especially when others are putting doubts in my insecure head as well.  It felt really warm and good to read your words..."don't listen to others who just want to steal you away"
  Dls
  
  

• T's_Pet said on Sep 25, 2008....

  dls:
   
  Well, i think there would be others who would love to take advantage of this "downtime" with your master.  I have had the same experience, but i knew then that He was the one for me.  That just having another master wouldn't be the same - it's not just a D/s experience, it's a D/s experience with HIM.
  Hang in there,
  T's_Pet

• hugecock! said on Oct 06, 2008....

  You are awesome!

• only_His said on Oct 24, 2008....

  This is my first day here, so please forgive the lateness of this reply.  I truly hope that since you've posted this, things are better in your situation.
  
  Patience is key here.  It's clear you have an understanding of his need to be there for others and a respect for that need.  At times it feels like we take a back burner to life, but in any relationship situations test us.
  
  At the very least.  Do not listen to anyone that says "drop him so I can collar you".  Clearly they have no respect for your feelings, or the fact that your Master can't just simply be replaced at whim.
  
  You stated that this is a man who's earned your trust and you would put your life in his hands, so as tough as it is (or hopefully was) trust in the depths of that love and trust and be patient.
  
  Journal for him daily, and continue with your quest for support.  Those who truly care about you will never let you down. 
  

• hugecock! said on Nov 03, 2008....

  You are my cyber sex slave!

• submissivepet101 said on Nov 12, 2008....

  dls i'm sorry to hear that you are hurting. i know what it's like to not hear from Master. i check my emails like, 20 times a day! I hope you are feeling better. It seems that even though it was a hard experience, in the end it turned out the be very cathartic as well! Stay positive, babe!

• hugecock! said on Dec 04, 2008....

  I'm a virgin again. Talk to you later!

• satanx said on Dec 26, 2008....

  SUB-VENT!? Come with me my child........

• hugecock! said on Dec 31, 2008....

  I want to eat you all out!

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