I'm fed up with being yelled at.  I am a disabled grown woman.  Does that mean I don't deserve any respect?  My doctor told me that it's best that I don't work.  If that's the case, then I am stuck here right now, tolerating being yelled at like I'm a two year old.  I am not perfect.  Why can't she accept that fact?  She sure the hell isn't perfect either.  You can't tell her that though.  It's like a game.  If these people that like yelling at and disrespecting me can bring me down, they'll whole heartedly do so.  If I get suicidal, they pretend to care.  I say pretend for a reason.  My therapist mentioned to my mother that her yelling at me made me suicidal enough to end up in the local crisis stabilization unit.  Did that stop her from yelling at me?  NO!!!!!!!!  I tried to show her enough respect to stop yelling at her.  I went on the meds to calm me down.  I think she needs medication to make her a little more docile.  I am sick and tired of turning my anger inward because someone chooses to treat me like shit.  I have done it for too long.  Hopefully, if my brother reads this, he's not going to run and tell mother what I'm blogging about her.  She's hurting me.  I'm not trying to play games with her.  I'm a schizophrenic.  Why the hell do I have to keep tolerating being treated like shit because I live in someone's home?  I don't think that it's fair.  You would think that a mother would allow their grown disabled child to live with them until things get better without belittlling the child if the mother truly loved them as much as they claim.  Actions speak louder than words.  If a person would just understand the nature of the disability, or even attempt to, and know that the brain doesn't work right, so things aren't necessarily going to be orderly in life, maybe, just maybe they would show a little more tolerance.  If you want someone to tolerate you, you have to tolerate them.  That's a fucking fact.  I dropped my neighbor as a friend because of her snapping on me like I'm stupid.  Building the self esteem of the disabled is a hell of alot better than bitching at them all of the time when you know things aren't working well, and they can't fucking help it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Fuck this shit.  I'm pissed.  I have every right to be pissed.  I am literally trying here.  If it will never be good enough, I will always have suicide in the back or forefront of my mind, because I feel like a god damn fuck up!!!  Maybe people should think before they speak.