What do I do now?

Am I happy?

Where's my concession prize?

I don't see one anywhere.

All I get is comforting words. Soothing relief, and then - unfinished business.

I am still reluctantly unfinished.  Unsatisfied.  Still - I'm left with... "No." -to put things simply.

At least things were brought up.  Things were said, and taken off my chest.  A weight gladly relinquished.  However - another weight remains, and I feel as though I am right back where I started.

Words hang on my tongue, and yet, there is no breath alive enough to propel the vowels and consonants from my vapid mouth.  My leisure is broken, and I am un-propelled. 

So, I'll be happy for now, even though my heart still feels like lead, and I am still remiss. 
Saddened for lack of a positive prospect. 

I love her... but I am still dissapointed.  I feel unwanted.  Unacknowledged. 

There is something missing.  And it has yet to be put back.

Am I wrong to miss it?  Am I wrong to insatiably crave her loving touch... when it's no longer there? 

I don't know what to do.  I don't know if I should bring it up again?  I don't want to make a scene out of it.  I don't want to complain.  I want to keep things positive between us.  But, how can things be positive between us, when I'm slowly dying more and more inside?

It's not just that... there's more.  But I can't seem to think of it.  Mostly it's my personal struggles, juxtaposed onto our relationship. 

So, I'll just try to lead my own life as I see fit, and hopefully it'll fit into ours. 

I feel like I'm choking on cotton inside.  A small flatly planed voice telling me to.. "stop."

So, I'll "Stop" for now.

Until a later date.