I'll just pop in for the standard Intern job okay! call when you need me.
Every party needs a little sex right?
Very well, then. Let the opening remarks be made by one who's faith in the system cannot be shaken, for that cannot be shaken which does not exist.
My “fellow” delegates, SoulCast refugees and distraught voting public:
Your moronic acceptance of political solutions to problems inherent in the human condition places you firmly in the category of non-evolutionary intransigence. Your resistance to learning, after making repeated attempts to accomplish the same thing (“Change”) in the same way (the electoral “college”) after failure upon failure, call into question the status of your very mental health.
Surely there is no more obvious example of the dimwittedness of you, the voting public, than the mindless acceptance and enthusiastic reverence for shallow idols like Barack Obama and Sarah Palin. If speech-making is to be the standard by which presidents are selected, then leave it to the professionals and let’s tap into the vast resource of American method-acting schools scattered about this withering giant of a nation.
If the number of times you’ve been beaten down and gotten back up are to be the criteria for presidential excellence, then let us mine the elements of our prisons and perpetually-low achieving former presidential candidates and wannabes for the real spirits who will lead us out of the deepest recession in American history.
As a once-mighty power fades into the sunset of a broader tomorrow, let us remember America as a place where people used to think they were free and had some extra cash. A land where white folk could feel like a majority and the ozone was a somewhere between here and the land of Oz.
Let there be little doubt, for some degree of uncertainty must be acknowledged, that any hope for actual change will occur only when actual change is effected. Since change itself is an inevitable mediocrity in this equation, it is radical change that must be expected if “change” is to have any meaning. And what, my fellow Americans, could be more radical than electing two bozos from the internet instead of the Usual Suspects?
Thus, with enormous reluctance and a strange apprehension composed of excitement and humiliation, I say that you must write in dailyachesandpains as the next President of the United States of America.
Thank you, and to quote the only person besides myself to truly express their honest feelings during the course of this comical campaign, "God Damn America."
Huh?!?!?!
Er...I second the nomination (Delaware here - Sorry Joe & Jill)...
....must...follow....SithBorg....
Dudes & Dudettes of the Convention:
I third the nomination and have brought the brownies. Two apiece only, please.
Fellow members of the SoulCast Party:
I come before you to humbly accept your nomination to be the next Vice President of the United States of America. Or, indeed, of the United States of any other country as well. Should the states of those other countries be disunited, I pledge to work towards uniting them as we go along.
Other viable candidates were considered and vetted along with me. From the extreme left wing of our vast party, dailyachesandpains surely considered the prolific bloc. And from the far-out right wing of this great conglomeration dailyachesandpains must have considered ALIENated, high priest of holy hyperbole. Either would have been a dynamic – if controversial – choice.
Sure, many of you may ask, “Why mOOn platOOn? Why should mOOn platOOn be a heartbeat away from the most powerful position in the world? Why not the cool-headed silverwhisper, or the often-underestimated Zayda?” Or the original Ms. Congeniality herself, CreativeWoman? Or, you may ask yourself, “Why not me? Am I not as qualified as some Hollywood wanna-be with nothing better to do than compose phony campaign speeches in the middle of a business day?”
And the answer is simple. Because I asked first. That is correct. I asked first. Just as I will be the first to ask for your rights, the first to work for your health, the first to demand that every vote is counted and that every vote counts for something!
Dailyachesandpains will be the first President of this country who will have truly risen from the ranks of the general population. Did the founders of this country intend for this nation to be lead only by lawyers, military men and professional politicians? It does not state so in the Constitution. It doesn’t state so in the Preamble to the Constitution. And it does not state so in the Declaration of Independence. Those who call themselves leaders, these elected officials, have done nothing more than tell you exactly what you want to hear. And they’ve told it to you in a pleasing and pretty way.
But they are not leaders. They are followers. Followers of opinion polls. Followers of big dollar donators. Followers of prestige-bestowing, gift-bearing lobbyists. They follow the money, gathering it up and spending more than half of their working hours chasing more and more money simply in order to run for an office to raise more money to run for office and on and on and on!
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if every four years someone new came to the head of the table? Someone who didn’t have anyone to suck up to and didn’t care what everyone thought if it meant interfering with doing what was right? Right with the best intentions? Right with the best advisors? Right with the mightiest resources, measuring rightness by a sense of common justice and a consensus of advisors without financial or political stakes in the outcome of their influences?
I hope that I will live to see a farmer become President. Not after being whittled down in the state legislature first, followed by some governorship or senate seat for decades, but straight off the farm. I want to see a banker become President. I want to see a small business owner become President. I want to see a research scientist become President. I want to see a great author become President. But more than that, I want to see dailyachesandpains become the next President of the United States.
Some may find it disturbing or non-traditional that daily and her running mate are from the very same city. However, if we are to win this campaign against the hundreds of millions of dollars leveraged against us, if we are to obtain the attention and publicity that we must in order to be written-in on millions upon millions of ballots, we must be in a place where the media is already swarming and where we know our way around. And there is no better place for that at this time than Hollywood itself. Providing we are not run over by Britney’s paparazzi. For this reason, daily and I will avoid being in the same intersection at the same time throughout the remainder of the campaign. Our ankle bracelets will beep if we approach each other.
Obama says he’ll give us change. He gives us Joe Biden. What kind of change is that? McCain wants to be President. He’s wanted to be President for a long time. Now, he can’t quite remember why, but he gets the change thing. He hasn’t bothered learning how to run a computer – still a new-fangled fad as far as he’s concerned – but he knows that those women want a gal to vote for.
This is bullshit. There’s your straight talk. This is the same old crap.
Enough. It’s time for some new fertilizer. I’ll see you from the other side of the White House lawn.
Thank you my friends and loyal adversaries, thank you my fellow SoulCast-Americans, and thank you dailyachesandpains, and now it’s on to November to win!
HOT OFF THE WIRES!! EXTRA!! EXTRAA!!!!
We're getting our convention "bump" already!!
Since picking mOOn platOOn as her running mate, dailyachesandpains has obliterated what had been a 34-percentage-point deficit in a poll of likely women voters on the question of which candidate has a “better understanding of women and what is important” to them.
The three are now effectively tied, with McCain's 44 to 42 to 40 percentage lead within the margin of error of the most recent poll conducted by pollsters Kellyanne Conway and Celinda Lake for Lifetime Television. In Lifetime's July poll, women preferred Barack Obama on the same question by nearly three-to-one— 52 to 18 to 21 percent.
In this latest poll, conducted Sept. 11-15, age remained a key determinant in response to the question about women’s concerns. Young women, ages 18-34, chose the daily/mOOn ticket as more empathetic to their needs, while women aged 35-64 went for McCain/Palin. Unlike black and Hispanic women, White women saw dailyachesandpains and mOOn platOOn as most understanding of their concerns.
About one in four women who supported Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton in the primaries now said daily and mOOn have a better grasp of women’s needs than Obama and his running mate, Sen. Joe Biden.
The Lifetime poll reveals a diversity of women’s views on several issues, with many of those differences related to a respondent’s race, party identity, marital status and generation.
However, those demographic differences faded when it came to the SoulCasters’ strongest showing in the poll, on a question regarding the economy. The women polled favored the daily/mOOn ticket 57 to 32 percent on which candidate “will help middle class families the most.” Polling has shown all year that the economy tops voters' concerns.
The survey comes as women overall favor the SoulCast ticket, 48 to 44 percent, according to the weekly summaries of Gallup polling. That marks a wider margin than Democrats enjoyed in 2004 on Election Day, but less than in 2000.
That Democratic drop-off with women since 2000, Gallup polling shows, is tied to Obama’s recent downtick in white support among women and men alike. All summer Obama had roughly similar support among white women as Al Gore did in 2000.
Gallup finds McCain now leads with white women 51 to 40 percent, a wider gap than the GOP enjoyed among white women eight years ago.
However, it appears that daily’s message of “change” has struck a chord with women, who in the Lifetime poll gave the daily/mOOn ticket a 14-point advantage on the question, 51 to 37 percent over the McCain/Palin ticket.
Overall, women said daily and mOOn would best “reform the way Washington, D.C. does business” by 47 to 40 percent. But white women narrowly favored the McCain/Palin ticket on that count.
And, independent women gave the SoulCast ticket an 8-point advantage on the change issue.
When women were asked which ticket could better “win” the war in Iraq, white, Hispanic and independent women, as well as women of every age group, voiced more confidence in daily/mOOn.
But when these women were asked which candidates can most likely “end” the war in Iraq, Obama/Biden earned significantly more support. Women under age 55, Hispanic women, and independent women had more trust in the Democrats. Yet white women voiced more confidence in daily/mOOn to end the war.
Women overall did say the Republican ticket was more ready to lead, though Latinas and black women sided with SoulCast. Democrats have a narrow advantage overall, 47 to 40 percent, as more capable reformers of government, though female independents and whites sided with SoulCast.
The Lifetime Television/Every Woman Counts campaign poll of 534 American women likely to vote was conducted September 11 to 15, and has a margin of error of 100 percent.
I want to play, so I'm nominating myself as an alternate candidate to dailyachesandgripes. FLOOR FIGHT!!!!!!
(LOUD CHEERING AND WAVING OF SIGNS)My fellow SoulCats, as I stand before you tonight, I am shocked to be your nominee for the office of President of the United States. Your support is indeed deeply disturbing and I intend to carry your message of hope, fiscal responsibility and free Krispy Kreme donuts for everyone all the way to the White House. When I first began accepting cash under the table, there was but a slight chance of my past felonies being uncovered and many were the nights I spent in a lonely hotel room wondering if it was worth it and searching the yellow pages for escort services. But, after your show of support, I realized that I must press on with the good fight and shameless self promotion.
(MORE WILD CHEERING)We must return America to its former greatness, the little people, and/or the highest bidder! We can no longer allow the morons on the left or the morons on the right (stand up, sit down fight fight fight) to take this great country down the road to ruin. It's about time that we stand up and be counted and have another drink at the free bar downstairs!(THE CROWD GOES WILD)In closing, I ask that you thoughtfully consider voting for me or serving as an intern in my administration - wink wink - and helping to make this country that shining village on a hill that it takes to raise a child - if you're sure that it's really yours after all.
Thank you for the confidence you have shown in me and may we never get caught!!(WILD CHEERING MIXED WITH SNORING)
[cheering loudly] The delegate from the Buckeye state accidentally on purpose moves into position to be bumped into by various delegates with ulterior motives.
I suggest you create a political philosophy based on a cosmological model, thus being even "greener" than even the Greenest politicians.
Think of daily as the red arrow, dealing with the right wing (they're suckers for girls) and mOOn as the blue arrow dealing with the left (suckers for mocha colored folk)
One wild cosmological idea imagines the universe as a soccer ball with segments and seams. Think of each segment as a magical sheet of paper. If you traveled to any side, you'd reappear where you started. Toss in a little pixie dust and a few elves, and this one starts to make sense!
2008 SoulCast National Convention
KILGORE!mOOn!DAILY!2008 SoulCast National Convention...WRITE IN? RIGHT ON!
How strange the customs of your people are.
Looks like I missed all the fun. This is quite a post!
