Last night I fell asleep thinking of my recently deceased cousin and best friend, God bless his soul. In the dream I was laying in my bed thinking about things, as I do, when suddenly he was sitting on the side of the bed, just smiling at me. I told him I missed him so much and that I want to join him in the afterlife. The only things he said were that I am living my life according to how it's meant to be lived and that things are going to get so much better for me as long as I desire them to and stop letting other people fuck me over. The next thing he said was I have to remove those negative people from my life, and it'll be my conscience that will inform me of who those people will be. Then I woke up...
...and cried tears of both happiness and sadness as it was such an intense and powerful dream and I really felt his presence and it was so real. I know in my heart he finally visited me, as I ask this of him every day, out loud too. Yes, I still talk to him even though he has passed on. As does his fiance, bless her.
One day soon I'll explain his death and how it all happened. It was my first death of a loved one and I just couldn't comprehend the grief. It felt as if my heart was actually broken and aching and the sense of loss was awful. I grieved quite heavily for a few days but as I have my beliefs, I am happy and envious he got to go there. I truly wish it was me who went instead though, as he had two young children and a beautiful fiance and didn't want to die. I have a death wish most of the time and after all the things I have done to my body I am still here...I just don't want people to grieve over my death when it happens. Grief is a hideous yet I believe, an essential emotion we must all go through, it certainly makes a person stronger I believe.
Time to shower...take care everyone.
thegayfuckup posted on Sep 19, 2008
| views: 151
Comments
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tonibell said on Sep 20, 2008....
Dear ggf: How nice that you had that experience----I love it when I have dreams of those I love who have past and it seems they are there. Some dreams I'm dreaming about them. But some seem to be a real contact. You can feel it deep within you. Please try to quit wishing you were dead. It becomes an obcession.....It sounds to me like your a thoughtful and good person. This earth needs all the thoughtful and good people it can get!
I'd like to hear the story of how he died. I am basically surrounded by animals 24/7, and though I do love them all dearly, contact with a nice human is always welcome. I am an old (59) lady and have lots of life experience and perspective.
I liked your post, it was real.
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thegayfuckup said on Sep 21, 2008....
Thank you kindly. -
lionesss said on Sep 28, 2008....
Hello my friend iv nt read many of your post but i did reply to your best friend passing away,iv experianced these senarios many times, and its very nice feeling to know out of every1 they know he can to visit, so he has basically come to tell you that your life is going to get better but needing to sort out your friendship wardrobe, i do believe in spirits commimg and visiting,i can say hand on heart my dad,granma,pc dad has visited me, truthfully.......xx -
fallenangel12 said on Oct 28, 2008....
Grief is something I know too well. I cant say that I understand how much of this you've gone through but I certainly know how it is to grieve. Almost 6 years and I still do.I lost someone I dearly love and once in a while, I dream about her and it makes me feel watched and loved. I believe that they do that, to somehow give us directions.You've got a good friend. He's got an equally good one too. Its good to know that even in the after life, friendship lives on.
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