I haven't posted in over a year.  I don't know why I quit, but I will probably do it again.  It's what I do, I live in phases.  Anyway.  I was kind of just looking for a place to post where nobody I know in real life will read.  But you know what, I am feeling so shitty that honestly, I don't want to even get detailed.

I think I only post when I'm unhappy.  So, here it is, I'm unhappy.  I love my bf, but for some reason I have just felt like he doesn't give a damn whether I'm around or not.  I had to move in with my mom because my roommate started harassing me to borrow money, and he wasn't paying the rent on time, etc.  So now I'm an hour and a half from where I lived, and my bf.  I have only been here a week but I figured that since he's my bf, he would miss me and want me to come down this weekend.  He doesn't want me to.  He is having a huge party NEXT weekend and needs to be able to prepare for it.  Sometimes I believe loads of crap like this, and other times I don't.  This time I don't.  I think in a more logical sense where I would not be "in the way" but instead I would be two more hands.  SO he can go fuck himself.

That's pretty much how I feel about that right now.

Also, we had broken up for a little bit last year, but since we wuv eachother, it didn't stick.  I had gone OFF the boyfriend diet, and lost 20lbs.  I have gained it back.  I try and try to eat right and I succeed alot of the time, honestly.  But not exercising because I am unmotivated and don't have a person willing to pair up with me is really detrimental to weight loss.  I want to be 130 again.  I think every girl has this idea in their head but honestly I feel like it's not "me" to be heavier than that.  I start to feel uncomfortable in my skin, my clothes fit terribly, ugh I just HATE it!  I need to think up a way to work on this that I will actually CONSTANTLY follow through with.

Wish me luck... looks like I have alot to sort out.  Thanks for "listening" to my rant...

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