They say patterns in behaviour happen and we all have cycles in our lives. I just re-read a lot of my previous posts and despite a change in job etc I am mentally in exactly the same place as I was December 2006...
I hate suburbia, I have kinda put up with it recently only because I've had so much change and upheaval I've not had a chance to focus on it. I've been losing weight, getting fit, changing jobs and doing stuff... But now all the "stuff" has stopped I again realise why I hate it and why it does my head in so much! It's the dreariness of it all - my husband is still being the same unresponsive pain he always has been - when I have been losing weight although he's helped cook meals etc he hasn't really said anything about my progress - it's 80lbs for crying out loud!!!! He should blinking well notice! I have got sick to the back teeth of telling him I need reassurance and to be told how I look if we go out - I feel worse that he doesn't say anything as he knows how important it is to me...
We are living a relationship as brother and sister almost - or worse his parents. We're both in our 30s and he is more interested in how the cucumbers in the garden are doing than he is of anything else. Sex is something we do - but it's a joyless act which I always have to initiate - which really hacks me off - for christs sake, if you find me attractive why not make the first move!!! I have been dying in this environment for too long, far too long...
So when someone actually makes me feel sexy I lap it up, enjoy the attention, enjoy being told I'm sexy! I am human and want to "feel" rather than just be...
I feel I am going insane again...