• wombat said on Sep 17, 2008....

  Many issues to address here.
   
  I think we all appreciate "sameness" in our daily lives, especially with things like our work and whatever.  Even a few days off can illicit alot of change in our routine in most jobs, especially yours where the people even change.
   
  In relationships you talk about being on your own verses not being on your own, and that's a bigger subject.   I like this train of thought because I think about it, too.
   
  Of course if you want to jump from "me" to "us" there's going to be alot of change. 
   
  Some can be bad, and some can be good.
   
  That "balance" and how we handle it is the crux of all relationships.
   
  Can you live with the farting, but still love that he lets you eat in bed and snore?
   
  (me being a goofball)
   
  But, hey----I have the lock on "fear of living!  But I guess you just have to go for it and not overthink it, do what you want, and pull the covers up over the less glamorous aspects.
   
   

• Lucytorial said on Sep 17, 2008....

  Thats a tough one to talk about because its such a personal issue.
   
  Change is always a bit scary, even for people who like change, people indeed who seek change out.  I guess its a way of looking at it.
   
  Change is scary because you aren't sure where you are really going to end up, if you will like it? its a new comfort zone to get use to but lets change perspective on that.
   
  You have received a recipe book as a gift and really like the look of one of the recipes but have never ever tried it before.  You have everything ready to cut and prepare but your stomach starts making flips, you lose a little focus, you start to wonder if its worth it for food that may have to go in the bin... heck lets do it anyway cause there's always takeaway.  You just don't know if it will work so why worry it either will or won't and there is always takeaway (whats behind you, what you know)
   
  You make it, its in the oven and you wait impatiently to see if it turned out okay! and wow did it ever! not what you expected but how were you to know that those flavours would taste differently to what you thought!
   
  Change is only scary because we aren't comfortable in our failures when really failure is not trying.  Start small, one tiny little thing, keep doing it until it feels kind of cool and natural and "why didn't I do this ages ago" ish.

• Twylarants said on Sep 17, 2008....

  I used to embrace change because I became bored very easily when I was younger. I would change husbands as often as I'd change jobs! Ok, I'm exaggerating some, but not much. Change was exciting, an adventure.
  As I get older the changes are not all for the better.  And yet, I'm bored again. Life seems to be passing me by, also.
  
  Why do you have to compromise to have this man in your life, Batty?  Can't you have a relationship and your private life, too?
  

• quietone said on Sep 17, 2008....

  once again, I can relate so well battycat.  I think the older we get the less we like change of any kind.  Sad to say we do get "set in our ways".  I truly think if you met someone you really knew was right and you had a strong feeling for him, you would know it.  Compromise isn't something I like to do when it comes to my own personal life... not anymore.  I think maybe because I gave up too much before and kinda "lost me".  Does that make sense?

• skald said on Sep 18, 2008....

  Yes, people can have happy family life but they have to work at it and make compromises. And it does not mean that they are happy all the time. I know too that you know all this.
  
  There are also people who complain about everything and don't work it out when things don't go well.  And when you have a family there are all kinds of happenings, there can be illnesses and other things that make life difficult.  I have known all those things. Difficulty with a teenage boy, a sick mother with Alzheimer but now life is much easier for me than it was for years.
  
  I say to you, that you must consider well if you want to give up your freedom to someone else as I think you are considering. If I would loose my husband I would not bother to adopt to someone else again because it is hard work and I would want to have things my way. At least after 40 I thought so already. I don't know your age.
  I can understand that you feel sometimes lonely but maybe you can be in an open relationship with this guy. He comes and stays sometimes and so on. My friend is in such a relationship and she likes it a lot . she is  in her 50's and is settled in her ways, Has never been married but does not want to be alone all the time.
  
  Yes, and if it is someone you really love you would know. Good luck.
  

• Eilan said on Sep 18, 2008....

  I like to think that I do, but I'm not so sure that's actually the case.

• Battycat said on Sep 18, 2008....

  Wombat - Thanks :-) not sure about the farting, I'll ley you know :-)
   
  Lucy - Thankyou, maybe I should try out the recipe book lol
   
  Twyla - I probably could, maybe I'm worried history will repeat itself, and I'll loose that.
   
  Quiet - I think you understand me the best (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
   
  Skald - Your friends relationship sounds ok, but I don't think thats what this guy wants.
   
  Eilan - I think we're all much the same deep down.
   
   

• skald said on Sep 18, 2008....

  Batty.  I see I thought I'd just mention it. Well I hope things will work out for you and I think you are very normal. 

• Battycat said on Sep 18, 2008....

  Skald - Thanks, glad someone does lol

• chrisevans129 said on Sep 18, 2008....

  i worked with someone who was in her 50's and had never been married and all through the 17 years i worked with her, she had never been out on a date.  she had her dogs, her family (and her wine!!!) and seemed to be happy.  i always felt sad thinking about how lonely she must be, but she never seemed that way.
   
  my sister-in-law is 38 and has never had a boyfriend and still lives at home with her mom and dad.  she works full time, but doesn't seem to have much of a social life and seems to be longing for a different life.  i also become very sad when i think about how lonely she must be. 
   
  i think it is all based on what you've experienced in life and what you REALLY want.  but once we experience a fear of living...that may be covering up our ability to recognize what it is we really do want.
   
  i think it is normal to get "set in your ways" and think there is no way we could possibly welcome change while sharing our life with another., but the more we experience little bits of change, the more we can embrace it.  practice makes perfect, right?

• travelr712 said on Sep 18, 2008....

  i've been talking about these exact things lately in my blog batty. i'm alone, i'm happy, my place is exactly the way i want it, i don't have to bend my choices to anyone else, i should be extatic, right? and for the most part, i am. but the thing is, i know what that type of life brings. and the things it brings are not things i want.
   
  i also know what i have to do to change it. and there's only one thing. i have to let other people into my life. i have to give of myself to them often, and let them give to me. i have to take those chances, risk the hurts. because without that risk, there is also no great joy. and there is unending lonliness. yes, i get hurt, yes i'll get hurt again. i know i will. but it's not all pain. it's not even in significant part pain. it's mostly joy, so i'll keep doing it, and i'll get more friends, and won't be lonely. and that's what i think you're looking for too.

• Battycat said on Sep 18, 2008....

  chris - I think you're right, I need to experience a little change :-)
   
  travelr - Yep, I'm mostly happy with my life, but there is a part of me that feels empty. I am scared of getting hurt again, but thats all part of life I suppose. I just end up rushing back into my shell the minute there's a whif of a chance I'll get hurt, the trouble is there's probably a chance I could be happy too - I just don't give it a enough time :-)

• travelr712 said on Sep 19, 2008....

  well, now that you've looked at the reason, you can do something about it if you want, right?

• queenparanoia said on Sep 19, 2008....

  i think all of us experienced this in our life once in a while... so dont worry about it... i felt this way too... just open your heart and life to new things... you'll never what will happen next... ;-)

• butter1970 said on Oct 13, 2008....

  i understand the feelings that change can bring. Ive gone through changes in the past 4 years that would amaze most people. I went from a multiple buisiness owner and homeowner to a down and out drug addict with nothing to a student going for my masters in addictions counceling. So I understand and sometimes even bad changes lead us to a higher purpose

• butter1970 said on Oct 13, 2008....

  i understand the feelings that change can bring. Ive gone through changes in the past 4 years that would amaze most people. I went from a multiple buisiness owner and homeowner to a down and out drug addict with nothing to a student going for my masters in addictions counceling. So I understand and sometimes even bad changes lead us to a higher purpose

• butter1970 said on Oct 13, 2008....

  i understand the feelings that change can bring. Ive gone through changes in the past 4 years that would amaze most people. I went from a multiple buisiness owner and homeowner to a down and out drug addict with nothing to a student going for my masters in addictions counceling. So I understand and sometimes even bad changes lead us to a higher purpose

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