• secretlife said on Sep 15, 2008....

  i'm sure the school will be contacting you today-
  have you called over there?
  she HAS to go to school.  they're all right about that.
  you absolutely cannot let her get her way over this-  there will be many things that she can't have her way with in life-  you're the boss.  you have to make her understand that basic fact.
   
  even if you hate it.

• Fallyn said on Sep 15, 2008....

  i've talked to them already today.
  they know the situation we're in.
  
  i did the right thing. it just hurts.
  

• secretlife said on Sep 15, 2008....

  yes, but it's in her best interest, right?
  you're doing what is in her best interest.....
   
  hopefully the school will become your ally in this.

• woman said on Sep 15, 2008....

  Of course you hate this. Most children run into the school building happy to be there. No child should be feeling that negative about school. How old is she? My suggestions, which may be wrong, not knowing the child or the situation, would be to call a meeting with the school. Principal, teacher, guidance counselor. Also, if she is not seeing a counselor, it sounds like a plan. Possibly her teacher is the issue and if so, it needs to be delt with, if the problem is within her, that needs to be addressed. I would take this very seriously but know that it is the law and she must go. You did the right thing today. I am a teacher. I am also the grandmother of a child who did not want to attend school last year because of a teacher that yelled. As a special ed teacher I often see children who feel badly about their school success and need to have help accepting who they are. But truly, I feel badly for you and hope that you can find a solution soon.( I have seen children react this way and most are happy and successful in school as they grow up.)

• uniquely-ironic said on Sep 15, 2008....

  I don't know what to say.  My kids have hated school, but never this much.  I'm proud of you for sticking to your guns on this.  I know right now you feel like crap, but you also know you did the right thing.  Does the school have councilors they can provide help with?  I know for awhile my son was seeing someone at the school every week.  I think it helped.

• cuppajava said on Sep 15, 2008....

  I agree with Secret' on this one.YOU are the boss,and not your child.Your child was born from you - not the other way round.If you let them  have their own way now - it only gets worse from here.They will ride all over you - i know that sounds like a harsh thing to say - but its true.
  I know that it hurts,and its supposed too.That is your child,and it is times like this that you need to be strong and tell them who is boss.
  Dont let the situation get to you.
  

• vacantmind said on Sep 15, 2008....

  She has no choice in this so, maybe there is a way that you can ease things for her. Give her an opportunity to speak frankly about why she feels this way about school. Let her yell and scream. With my kids, they have a tendency to get into a way of thinking. One bad experience with a teacher lends way for them to believe all teachers will behave that way. This was especially true when they were in elementary school. Its important for her to see that some teachers will accept her for who she is. A good resource for this would be the school social worker.
  For her reward, you could allow her an extra 15 minutes at bedtime. Since, she is going to school without all the kicking and screaming then she can stay up 15 minutes longer. If she kicks and screams that day then she loses 15 minutes.
  Another thing to think about is this could have something to do with sleep. My youngest daughter still turns into a demon when she is tired. So, if you find that her staying up an extra 15 minutes causes more worse days then good days then find a different reward system.

• Fallyn said on Sep 15, 2008....

  we found out today there are no counselors in the schools. there is ONE counselor in the whole school system that does rounds of the schools once a month.
  
  this is the problem with being in a small community that is losing it's children.
  funding gets cut for EVERYTHING.
  
  she had a talk with her teacher after i left....and i tallked to her teacher this afternoon after school let out.
  apparently the teacher says a lot of things about being "perfect" in a sarcastic way......the teacher is EXTREMELY sarcastic.
  the teacher didn't realize she was having such a hard time with it...my daughter is a VERY literal thinker...it comes with aspergers.
  so now they understand each other MUCH better.
  she explained to my daughter that if she were perfect there would be no point in teachers, and no point in learning anything......and she promised she'd try to stop using words like that.
  
  hopefully this will blow over...but we still have a plan for tomorrow.
  
  

• vacantmind said on Sep 15, 2008....

  I understand! I have a literal thinker! It took him until Jr. High to grasp sarcasm but, when he did it became his favorite thing. He is a sarcastic child. He has autism so, this was a huge breakthrough and it thru his teachers off the first time he made a sarcastic remark. It is odd to be proud of those things.

  Does your daughter have IEP? Maybe this is something they can work on in school as part of her education plan. It is important for her to enjoy school. If she does, I would consider calling a meeting to discuss this if it continues.

• Fallyn said on Sep 15, 2008....

  nope. not yet....i still have to take her to her physical before she can go into counseling...and she has to have a counselor before she can get an iep.
  
  she's supposed to have one.
  

• vacantmind said on Sep 15, 2008....

  If she has a diagnosis of Asperger's they cannot deny you an IEP! The school systems are bad about bullying parents on this but, she is entitled to one. Her physical has nothing to do with her previous diagnosis. And it is up to the school to supply her with someone qualified for her diagnosis.

  My son doesn't have a counselor, psychiatrist, or any other health professional overseeing his care. I am his advocate. The school had to hire someone qualified to instruct the teachers, principal, social workers, and counselors involved in his education.

  Look up your parental rights on the district website. You may find that they are feeding you a bunch of BS.

• Fallyn said on Sep 15, 2008....

  they said the only place i can go to get a for sure diagnoses of aspergers is the university of washington....a 3 hour drive away.
  right now she has a preliminary diagnoses of "high functioning autism"
  i'm tired of being in a small town with no resources.
  

• vacantmind said on Sep 15, 2008....

  Does she have a diagnosis from a health professional? If so, then they can't question that diagnosis. There not qualified to decide who can accurately diagnosis your daughter. They are bullying you! Talk to your family doctor.

• Fallyn said on Sep 15, 2008....

  i'm not sure how to determine if it's a diagnoses or not.
  she wanted us to schedule an appt. with the team at UW.  ...i'm just not sure quite what to do next.
  

• vacantmind said on Sep 15, 2008....

  If at anytime, your family doctor or any other health professional wrote down in a medical document that your daughter has Asperger's then it is a diagnosis. It doesn't matter if it was your family physician or a mental health counselor.
   
  I am assuming that at some point someone said to you "I think your daughter has Asperger's." Contact that person or office for the diagnosis that they gave your daughter. Once you have that, copy it, and go to the school. Tell them that if they have any questions concerning your daughter's diagnosis you will sign a release allowing them to discuss this with whoever gave the diagnosis. Let them tell that person that their not qualified.
   
  If there is no diagnosis on file, then take your daughter to whomever you feel comfortable with. Your family physician can make a diagnosis and if you discuss the issues with them, they probably will just so your daughter can get the help in school she needs. The school cannot deny services based on where or who gave the diagnosis.

• Fallyn said on Sep 15, 2008....

  they have to have someone at the school to help her with her specific diagnoses?
  
  i just think it's retarded that they got rid of the school counselors.
  
  

• wombat said on Sep 15, 2008....

  I won't try to give advice I have no experience or business trying to give.  Just wanted to say that I read your post and the responses.  I do find it an odd reason for not wanting to go to school, and there has to be more to it than that, I would think.  Well, I do have one thing I just remembered.  I refused to go to my class and kept running out to the gym in the first grade.  They finally put me in another first grade with another teacher and I was fine.  That's probably not an option at her school though if there is only one teacher for that grade.  I hope this gets resolved soon for all your sakes.

• Fallyn said on Sep 15, 2008....

  there's more teachers.
  and yeah....womby, my daughter is a PERFECTIONIST to the highest degree, i've drilled in her head for 9 years now that it's okay to get stuff wrong, it's okay to not be perfect, it's okay if stuff is a little bit off.....etc. etc.
  and here is a teacher telling the class that she wants them to be the PERFECT class this year...etc.
  not knowing oldests history with perfectionism.....it was a major trigger.
  she thought for sure her teacher hated her because she wasn't perfect.
  
  her and her teacher sat down today and had a talk about how she was just trying to get the other kids to do well and that most other kids require extra incentives, etc. and that she thought my daughter was doing great.
  
  she told my daughter that sometimes she even writes down the assignments wrong for homework...and makes other mistakes too.
  she's feeling MUCH better.
  
  

• secretlife said on Sep 15, 2008....

  i'm glad she's feeling better after today.
  i really liked vacant's advise about rewarding her for going to school without a fuss.....
  also my son was the type who needed his sleep.  if he didn't get enough, by 11am, everything fell apart....behavior, learning.....everything.
   
  your doctor might be able to help you with the classification stuff.  also your board of education should be able to direct you.
   

• wombat said on Sep 15, 2008....

  That's good that she got to sit down and work it out, and that it's out in the open what is really going on.  One last thought from me is that your daughter must be very intelligent and that's maybe a source of frustration.  I hope she has a great school year and stays in balance with what is "her best to give" and what's just a world of "hey, we're all human."

• vacantmind said on Sep 15, 2008....

  I would agree that it is stupid to get rid of the counselors. School is hard for some kids and they need that one on one time with the counselor to make it through the week.

• Fallyn said on Sep 15, 2008....

  secret, yeah, she needs her sleep too. which is REALLY hard. bedtime is in half an hour....if she had homework today that wouldn't be happening.
  i'll keep trying .....i know this can be a long battle.
  
  womby, very very intelligent. she's the best speller in the class and the best reader.....which just makes her harder on herself when she gets something wrong....also frustrates her because even though she's good at math...she's not the fastest in the class.
  
  vacant, her old school was the third school to shut down. they are cutting corners EVERYWHERE.
  when i went back to the counselor we saw this morning...not a school counselor she said that there are more kids in counseling now than there have ever been .....most with test anxiety over the WASL......the standarized test here.
  

• wombat said on Sep 15, 2008....

  Got a special one there, I bet.

• gingersoul said on Sep 15, 2008....

  Fallyn....reading......hoping you and your daughter will find your way.. ..{hug}

• Fallyn said on Sep 15, 2008....

  thankyou ginger. i know we will...it's just a long road.
  
  
  womby. oh she is.....it would be easier if she were just a little less special.
  

• chrisevans129 said on Sep 16, 2008....

  Gosh...that is heartbreaking...I cannot even imagine.
   
  I don't know the situation at school, but you did the right thing.  Being a teen really can suck these days...(I have a 14-year-old daughter)...and it's not getting any better.

• Fallyn said on Sep 16, 2008....

  chris...the sad thing is....she's not even a teen yet.
  she's only 9.
  but things went MUCH better this morning. I don't think she EVER wants to go through that again. at least i'm hoping not.
  
  Around here we have a program called Teens at Risk...or Kids at Risk....or something like that.
  and it's a resource parents can use in conjunction with the police. Like if your kid breaks your curfew, or refuses to go to school,  you can call the police and have them do community service or spend a night in Juvenile Detention.  So many kids are physically stronger than their parents, and so many parents haven't established the respect they need to make their kids do these things......it's especially helpful for single moms, especially newly single moms where chaos may be reigning.
  i hope my girls can grow up without needing this service....but at least i know where to turn if it proves to be too much for me.
  

• chrisevans129 said on Sep 16, 2008....

  my thoughts are with you....
   
  i think the program you speak of is great, and you're right, so many kids are physically much bigger and stronger than their parents.....some community service or a night in juvenile detention could do just the trick for some. 
   
  keep us posted...

• Fallyn said on Sep 16, 2008....

  thanks chris. i just keep blogging. and they drive me nuts. :P

• Eilan said on Sep 16, 2008....

  when i went back to the counselor we saw this morning...not a school counselor she said that there are more kids in counseling now than there have ever been .....most with test anxiety over the WASL......the standarized test here.
  
  Fallyn, my oldest started hating school in third grade--the year that students start taking standardized tests.  She does really well on the tests, but I think she's extra sensitive to the pressure that the teachers are under.
  

• Fallyn said on Sep 16, 2008....

  eilan, i think that's it exactly. shes super sensitive....and she takes everything that comes out of the teachers mouth SOOOOO seriously .where most kids just kinda ignore half of it.

• queenparanoia said on Sep 19, 2008....

  i'm sorry you feel this fallyn... i wont say that things would be better in the future because we really dont know if it will... anyway, i suggest that you guys do something that can make school fun for her... does she have any friends?

• Fallyn said on Sep 19, 2008....

  queen, she has lots of friends, especially one best friend and the teacher is trying out letting them sit together.....so far it's going better.

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