I worked today. Got out at 3:30. Working on Saturday isn't so bad.
so the text message from my hub said he'd meet me at the house at 4. it's 11:04 and he never came home.
this is what he does to his wife. this is what he does to me. this is the life i live. this is the life that i need to excape from. i don't know what he's doing. i don't know where he is. i don't know who he's with. i only know that as much as i wanna say it doesn't matter. say that it's over, say he can't hurt me any more. he always finds a way.
i hate him so much right now. my friend told me don't say hate. it's such a strong word. it's such a bad word. i just said....but you don't understand.
i wonder if there is anyone out there that knows how i feel.
i know there are so many really horrible things that happen in this world. so much hurt and hate and violence. death and pain....but this life is like a hell. it's a mental torture that i wonder how i've endured. i wonder when it will end. will it ever end? i'm sick inside...i don't have any options. i'm so scared. i'm so scared of this feeling.
this is what he does to me.....right before he left he forced me to kiss his cheek. kinda evil. god what am i gonna do. this is so out of control. this is so wrong. this is so fucked up.
i sit here with my head in my hands and i am lost. i should have gone somewhere tonight. but he won't be home anyway. i think about revenge. do i have that in me?
how do i smile. how do i forget. how do i act like im ok. how do i do this when i can't do this anymore.
