I think the following people would look at you with that serious look if you said "Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles." -  (I hope all of you haven't seen these.)

These are actual excuse notes to teachers with their original spelling :

My son is under a doctor's care & should not take PE today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administratin.

Please excuse Roland from P.E. He fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Please excuse Ray from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diahre  dyrea   direathe   the runs.

Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

Please excuse Jennifer from school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch and we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.

Please excuse Jason from school yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

Please excuse for being absent. She was in bed with gramps.

Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever, sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father got hot last night.

Please excuse Jimmy for not being at school. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.

                More dumb? Actual instructions on consumer goods :

On Sears hairdryer: 'Do not use while sleeping.'

On bag of Fritos: 'You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.'

On bar of Dial soap: 'Directions: Use like regular soap.'

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): 'Do not turn upside down.'

On Marks and Spencer's Bread Pudding: 'Product will be hot after heating.'

On packaging for Rowenta iron: 'Do not iron clothes on body.'

On Boots Children's Cough Medicine: 'Do not drive car or operate machinery after taking this medication.'

On Nytol Sleep Aid: 'May cause drowsiness.'

On most brands of Christmas lights: 'For indoor or outdoor use only.'

On Japanese food processor: 'Not to be used for the other use.'

On Sainsbury's peanuts: 'Warning: contains nuts.'

On child's superman's costume: 'Wearing this garmet does not enable you to fly.'

On a Swedish chainsaw: 'Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or teeth.'

(Comedian Ron White says it best : "You just can't cure stupid.")