gingersoul posted on Sep 13, 2008
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I woke up extremely early this morning, considering the late hour i went to bed last night.
My dog was whining and pouncing outside my bedroom door.
I thought. "Great, the only day i can indulge in some sleep you wake me up".
I yell at him "Go back to sleep, would you?"
My window is on my right side when i lay on the bed. I turn my head and i see it.
The color of the sky is pearly, milky, off white, gray opalescent, liquid silvery, fluorescent metallic, starrily white like the Milky Way forgot to clean after herself while leaving the night on this side of the hemisphere....
The sky seems beautiful and dangerous. Like a menace. Like a prediction of troubled times ahead to come.
A desperate Cassandra might have yelled at the indifferent ears of the Athenians "Look up. Be warned'.
Little Chicken would simply say: "The sky is falling. The sky is falling"..
I know the storm is coming.
Hurricane Ike, they call it.
My friend Jennifer will be flying from Chicago today. I am supposed to pick her up at the airport. I worry for her flight.
She will be back with her husband, my ex brother-in-law. They have been at the Mayo Clinic in St. Louis, Minnesota, where he had endured two weeks of tests and poking and vials of blood sucked from his body to understand the reason of 15 years of killing migraines that leave him like a vegetable for days.
I worry for both of them.
I turn and toss. I want to sleep some more. But my capricious REM waves had definetely abandoned me.
I sighed. I watch outside again.
I am in a strange mood lately. Moody and emotional. It might be all of these worrying thoughts swirling in my mind.
Fall always brings me this kind of pensive mood.
My dearest friend P. is finally back from one of his many trips but his heart is troubled and i don't know how to talk to him. I worry for him
Myriam, my Iranian friend, texted me last night. She was at the hospital: her 3 months old baby girl, Eve, has been acting strange since birth...yesterday her little, beautiful head wouldn't stay straight.........the doctors suspect something is wrong in her little brain....Eve is a doll...Myriam said she will call me today with any update.
I worry for her and baby Eve.
Two days ago my friend Gianni called me from Italy.
"She has a nasty ovarian cancer, you know?"
She is my longtime friend and ex co-worker P.
She is the girl who made possible for me and my ex husband to meet. We invited her at our wedding. She has been our cheering mascot for years.
A short, feisty, out spoken woman. A lesbian who fought for years for her rights and her dreams.
Gianni and I have said to each other" She will kick that cancer in the balls, you will see"
But we worry for her.
My mom has a bad cough going on by some days. She minimizes as usual this window in our conversations.
"Are you taking something?"
Vain words...she never takes any medications. If not some Tylenol that i ship to her once a year in industrial quantity.
"It will go away. You know me. Each Fall i have this cough".
"Yes, mom. But, please take care of you".
I love her and i worry for her
I mentally add them all to my list of constant streaming thoughts......
I feel like a tree.
My summery, thin like paper green leaves are going to turn in magnificent red ones.
Its Fall again.
And i am fine with that.. I feel like Time had miraculously stopped inside and outside myself.
But my Summer is slowly turning in my Fall, nevertheless.
I do feel grateful.
I am more confident, grounded, experienced, just because i have been weathered by life.
I say to my daughter "Welcome the bad and boring days because they will make your happy days look better".
She says "Yes, ok, but....uhmm...my hair look horrible today".......lol......teen agers....
I love her to death and i worry for her.
I worry because I know that the new Fall will bring the North wind.
And the North wind might shake my leaves once more. One more time.
One by one the tree that i am will have to see its leaves shivering and being troubled by the gusty wind.
The tree will try to protect them and (jealously, oh so jealously) collect them together.
But one leaf will eventually fall...... one there, another one further.....the tree will have to let her go...
Its just a matter of time.
And ...then...the tree itself might fall under some heavy, beautiful but cruel snow, some indifferent and damaging storm...
I turn on my left side. What a thoughts i have in my mind ....
.
The light in my room is phosphorescent......i feel like lying on the bottom of some unseen ocean...my legs are morphed in that lusty, fishywetty tail one more time....i dream of being a mermaid again....far away from this dry land...
But.....what's this noise? Darn it, you again?
My dog is looking at me now from the left side of my bed.
I bet he thinks: "The storm is coming, woman. I feel it in my bones. I feel it in my legs. I feel in my gut. What are you going to do about it?"
"Silly dog" i think "When the storm hit us we can only duck down and do what we have to do. Survive at our best".
I pat him on the head.
I say "Ok, you stinker.Time for your walk"
Good day, Scasters. Dont let the storm of your life drag you down.
Comments
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lfbno7 said on Sep 13, 2008....
my tongue hurts. i think it kept poking into where my tooth cracked and then i went to the dentist and she put a temp cap on it but she probly irritated my tongue with all the annoying stuff she was doing. now i have to put painkiller on the tip of my tongue in order to eat, talk, sleep, or just be comfortable. i guess that's my storm for the next three or four days. annoying pain in the tongue. -
gingersoul said on Sep 13, 2008....
Lenny...damn if i hate dentists.....take me to the hospital and cut me open but dont make stay on that freaking chair for one minute...
...
I have one tooth i need to take care by MONTHS and my gums are pretty sensitive once in a while.....do i go?
Nah...
Sorry for you, my friend...
Duck in and survive...will be thinking of you..:-)
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dailyachesandpains said on Sep 13, 2008....
Awe {{{{GINGIE}}}}}}Whew...lots to worry about! At the end of the day, I think we all wish we were teens again and only had to worry about a bad hair day.I was thinking of you and my Uncle last night while watching the news. I hope you are okay!{{{{HUGS}}}}Daily -
Battycat said on Sep 13, 2008....
Thats a lot of worrys, take care :-) -
Lucytorial said on Sep 13, 2008....
Ginger, I love these kinds of posts. Free thought, it allows us to get to know you more.I hope that this storm hits land and fizzes out, I really do, you guys get hit with a heck of a lot of big ones there. Take every precaution girl and be safe.As for your friend P I have a friend called P too who I am very worried about, for the same reasons and I too cannot figure out a way to talk to P. Its upsetting because you can see the struggle but the resistence to open up is hard to bare. Hang in there I am sure P will come around at some point.I kind of think we all have these cycles, your life is changing Ginger, this may be why you feel so moody and emotional, knowing you just a little bit I am sure that you will learn a great deal out of these changes.For now though, be safe, I hope your friend travels well and you have no troubles. -
nytquill17 said on Sep 13, 2008....
Hey Ginger - just breezing through here and I wanted to say how BEAUTIFULLY written this post is! Honestly I think this has great potential as a piece of writing...what they call nowadays "creative nonfiction."
It's a wonderful reflection on life, mortality, aging...I can't get over how well this post could stand alone...I could see reading it in a magazine somewhere, you know? It's really beautiful. Thank you so much for writing this, it was a pleasure to read.
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gingersoul said on Sep 13, 2008....
Daily.....yes, you are right.......some of this worrying thoughts will eventually subside with the time, at least i hope...some will always stay...my daughter's future, my mom's health...my friends well being...
Aren't we here for a ride like this after all?
Hugs back to you, my sweet friend.
Batty....you to, you too.....ok?
Lucy.....this Ike has been just a big wussy, a silly sissy in my area....i am very happy about it.....it hit hard along the coast though but nothing to compare with some of those typhoons ...
My friend P and I have always had our way to deal with each other emotions..... i love him and he knows it.......therefore i worry...
As for your friend......i perfectly understand his resistance. One can't force a door that remain closed as much as they would like to see it open.
Oh, Jenny and husband arrived safe and late only by 30 minutes....considering the overall travel situation they got it smooth, thanks....:-) -
gingersoul said on Sep 13, 2008....
Nytquill......oh, what a nice words to read before heading to bed.....
Thank you for stopping and finding this post of your like..
I hope the song too gave you the overall mood i was living in this morning...even though - unfortunately - the song is brutally cut at the end...sorry..i should have picked a better one.....but the video is simply perfect, dont you think? ..
I am always surprise to read people reaction to my writings.....i truly take in any words of praise with the greatest appreciation and gratitude.....thank you again...;-) -
MissMimi said on Sep 13, 2008....
I think you probably do this kind of post the best of anyone I read here. So many worries so early on a Saturday morning. It's a glimpse of how deeply caring you are. I hope the storm is over for now, and that you can rest. :)
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RollingC said on Sep 14, 2008....
Hi Ginger....hope everything is fine with you and that the storm didn't effect you...at least not too much.I was in touch with my family in Houston and they're fine thank God but from what they tell me a lot of trees went down... I've lived through other Hurricanes (like Andrew, Wilma and Katrina) I know all that water makes the ground soggier and easier for the winds to topple trees all over.Hope you have a gas stove as that comes in real handy after a Hurricane.Please post and let us know how you are. Take care.Rc -
scipio said on Sep 14, 2008....
Hope you were not much affected by the storm. If so, I can only offer you my prayers for your safety. -
skald said on Sep 14, 2008....
When the storm hit us we can only duck down and do what we have to do. Survive at our best". So true. -
beyondtheveil said on Sep 14, 2008....
ginsoul- It seems you catch at least a part of everything that happens weather wise in that Dallas area. Sorry you woke up to those thoughts. I've had many times where I awoke to thoughts of worry, impending things to come.
My wish for you is that soon you will awake to only wet thoughts - morning coffee and a bothersome but happy dog licking your face.
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gingersoul said on Sep 14, 2008....
MimiDear.....yes, the storm is over and i rested....hope you can rest too....{hug}
Rolling.....thank you, my friend...the storm didn't affect my surroundings that much...only some patches of heavy rain and strong wind....but i live up in the North-West side of Dallas .....down the South-East they did have some problems though....
Thank you for your concern....i much appreciate it....:-)
..
Scipio.......hello there...thank you for your nice words...
I am fine, my dog is fine too.....he is actually asking for another walk right now......lol...
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gingersoul said on Sep 14, 2008....
Skald.....oh yes....thank you...
BeyBey.....my fellow Texan.....lol.......yep..it seems like we have a little bit of everything here but luckily not a huge amount of one bad thing, and i prefer it in this way...;-)
I know about you worrisome awakenings..i can read them through your words...you know you have in me a caring ear to listen to you, right? {hug}
My dog is indeed bothersome but happy....i have my balcony door open today due to a wonderful cool air that is sweeping away the last clouds...the weather smells of Fall today
The door is open and my dog sleeps with the two front legs and the head on the balcony floor and the rest of the body on the carpet....bothersome, happy and smart....lol.. -
beyondtheveil said on Sep 14, 2008....
ginsoul- Hey, speaking of cool air, we just came in from drinking coffee outside and wifey had to put on a sweater - very cool and almost windy. I liked it.
Those dogs have a genuine knack for finding comfort, but sometimes I don't know how its comfortable. Perhaps if I had a 12 month fur coat, I'd understand.
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Lucytorial said on Sep 15, 2008....
I'm so glad you are A okay, the media here made it into a totally death defying devestation for the whole area. Thankfully you are not a part of that although many are I'm sure.Yeh this friend P well, you are right, as you say though I love this friend and so I worry too.Thanks for letting us know you're fine. -
Battycat said on Sep 15, 2008....
Glad you're ok, like Lucy, the media here made it look like the whole of Texas had been wiped out! -
hotaka said on Sep 16, 2008....
earmarking
student arrived
going home right after
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queenparanoia said on Sep 16, 2008....
what is left after the storm? i always think of this when i think of my hometown.... (as i blog before my hometown was hit by the storm... it was the worst) here i was thinking safe and sound in the big city while my fellow illongos was in worst disaster... for weeks i keep thinking what will happen to my hometown??? after that i met with my high school friends... all of us have jobs now and living in the big city... we keep thinking of our hometown... and how devastated it was.... but i realize that no matter how terrible the outcome of that storm it did not kill the love we had in our hearts... i am still an "illongga" ( a term use if you were born and raised in iloilo). yes and being one illoangga we are known for our jolly attitude... so i said to my self... would my hometown be dead after the storm... no... because deep inside we know that after a storm.. there's always a rainbow... keep smililing my italian friend... after the storm it would be better... believe me... ;-) by the way, i'm glad youre okay...
sorry long comment...