I recently bought a very old enneagram book by one of the Jesuits who preceded Don Richard Riso, the best of the enneagram writers. I thought that might be pretty cool to see what the early Jesuits were thinking, before Riso wrote the Bible on the subject called Personality Types.

O'Leary came up with animal symbols for all the types. Here they are. 1 Terrier. 2 Cat. 3 Peacock. 4 Basset hound. 5 Fox. 6 Rabbit. 7 Monkey. 8 Rhinoceros. 9 Elephant.

One is a terrier because it never lets go, always barking about what's wrong and what needs to be fixed, always getting angry about the way things are. Yeah, I'll identify with that. Good going.

Two is a cat because they rub up against you. Come on, you must have had a Two rubbing up against you.

Three is a peacock because they are so fucking vain, such hot shit.

Four is a basset hound because those dogs look so woebegone just like Fours. Ahh, what a life I've led.

Five is a fox because they are so cagy. He didn't mean it as a compliment. He didn't mean any of this stuff as a compliment. He thinks people suck. I like that a lot about him. Each of the 9 enneagram types is a sin type to him. We are lowly sinners.

Six is a rabbit because they are so skitterish and cowardly.

Seven is a monkey because they are so energetic, combative, and just plain noisy.

Eight is a rhinoceros because they are dumb fuckin animals that run up your back, ignorant violent numbskulls.

Nine is an elephant because they .... hmmm ..... they are ponderous and don't like to do anything according to him. I think he's a bit vague about the elephant, but it is not meant as a compliment to Nines.

What I have learned from his book, in short, Ones are a pain in the ass always bitching, Twos are clinging whores, Threes are lying fucking weasels who stare at themselves in the mirror, Fours are overdramatic sad sacks, Fives are stingy bastards, Sixes are brainless cowards who wish to kiss ass, Sevens are fun loving ditzes, Eights are people who really need to get their asses kicked every Tuesday, and Nines are a waste of skin and bone.

With short descriptions like those above, can you recognize which type you are?