Its almost time for my next visit and my ex has been sure to let me know when she's online for some reason.
Probably wants to back out again this month and move the date so she can go do something else. All she has to do is say she has to work and the court will back her up, no proof nothing and I am forced to go along.
And then when I go I get to sit and listen to my three children all under 8 including twin boys telling me how they want me to leave so they can do what they want rather than spend time with me. After I sacrificed 8 months of visits to pay something on child support this is the thanks I get.
Listening to four hours of that makes this worn out old man wish he could just lie down one day and stop breathing instead I keep suffering through my life waiting for my body to quit on me. Maybe she is right, I should walk away then they would not have to be put into this position by her or me.
I can't afford Therapy or Dr. bills so I am screwed and frankly am tired of suffering through those sessions with therapists who have no idea who I am or why I am like I am. I have become so self-centered to protect me from those closest who seem to only want to hurt me when I fail to do things their way. Otherwise, lets line up another visit to the nut house and lock me up cause I will take it out on me anyway.
One too many words, not enough thought I wish that I was living instead I am just distraught.
johnlove posted on Sep 11, 2008
| views: 93
Comments
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secretlife said on Sep 11, 2008....
if you give in, you play into her hands-that would be enough motivation for me to never quit. -
johnlove said on Sep 12, 2008....
If I don't give in the children will never respect me. And she gets to use them to get at me still she wins. -
secretlife said on Sep 12, 2008....
i don't understand- how would not seeing your children and maintaining a relationship with them cause them to respect you? -
johnlove said on Sep 12, 2008....
It wouldn't but it would prevent her from using them to get at me. And they would not have to suffer through my apparent boring visits. With the other issues I already have it is the most draining 4 hours of my life. Ever spent three hours crying like a baby after seeing your kids?
Bottom Line: This is not about her or I winning or losing it's about the kids getting what they deserve and they deserve better from the supposed two adults in our relationship.
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