Not that an online psychology test is a great measure of mental stability, but this list of my personal mental health is eerily spot on (when i read the explanations etc). Unfortunately, there is no magic pill for 'harmless' insanity. Even my father who thinks visits to the psychiatric office is just Hollywood plunk thinks I should go to a psychiatrist.
I don't cut myself, or do drugs, i hardly drink too much nowadays, i make friends, hate my boss, dislike my sisters, i resent the happiness of popular 'well-adjusted' people, i resent people who don't think I'm the top banana, I think i have a great sense of humour, i sulk and pout and think the world hates me.. i just skulk in dark corners and poke pins into voodoo dolls of my boss and muse over how unfair the world is to me. Of course, because I'm afraid of karma, i wish her a great shopping spree on top of cursing her with an oversized guilt complex. ( i don't hate her THAT much, I suppose.).
In short, even though there's a part of me that thinks I'm doing okay in life, work etc. It's clear that there are gaps in my life.. and I refuse or reject the idea that I have to be responsible for EVERYTHING bad that happens in my life. WHere do I go from here? What do I do? DO I take responsibility for everything? I'm scared that I'll just lock myself up in my room, but then that will be defeatist, unrealistic, an escapist paradise... I suppose I have to start the day anew, and do everything 'correctly' instead of repeating the same mistakes I've committed the day before. Suspend judgment on others, and try to approach things from the middle ground instead of thinking of everything in EXTREMES. I'd like to think it's because I have an inert noble prize sized genius in me, but maybe it's just time to face the facts that this is real life. It doesn't stop for anybody, nobody's going to be knocking on my door waiting to heap praises on me, or nobody's going to turn around suddenly and say "WOW you're FANTASTIC." even my fiancee is quick to point out my failures, and I try to ignore it. Do I just turn off my emotions for the meantime and take what life gives out with a gracious heart instead of responding reactively?
I think I have the capacity to be a really nice person, but if somebody crosses me I am quick to respond, regardless of whether they're my superiors or blood-related to me. i don't like being close to relatives because i take criticisms too personally, and if I open too much then it's like I'm on the table and just want to get away.
Dad says other people just take life as it comes, they handle things well, they do what is asked of them at work and then go home to their ordinary lives. Why can't I?
