• MoonLiteRide said on Sep 22, 2008....

  "And so, i think Dominants must feel a great deal of pressure to be perfect, and to always know and do the right thing, and to never ever lose control of Themselves.  (Actually i would be curious to know if Doms do feel this at all.  It seems logical that They would, but i'm not dominant.  And i wouldn't presume to speak for my Master.) "
   
  From my viewpoint, in general for a Dom who does take aspects of the lifestyle seriously, you are correct.
   
  Control is at the very root of a D/s relationship.  For a Dom to lose control of his own thoughts and/or emotions, for any measurable length of time is a big issue, at least it is to me.  I feel I have let a subbie down when it happens. 
   
  Sometimes domination happens off the cuff, specifically in play when a Dom is (of course!) taking the lead in all that happens.  Spontenaity is good, and some of us are not as good at that as others.  We must at times struggle to maintain control and not lose ourselves and do a disservice to our faithful subs.  They should be able to take comfort in the fact the regardless of the emotions and physical aspects of a scene that the Dom remain in control.  This can certainly be a real physical battle, because at various points in the human excitement cycle, certain chemicals are released which can cause alterations and changes in conscious actions and thought. 
   
  But even outside the play area, there is sometimes a constant awareness, if not sometimes a struggle, by a Dom to maintain his/her air of control.  Sometimes I suspect, when a Dom goes silent, it is because they are in a temporary lapse and can't afford to be seen in a state when not in control.
   
  The planning and thought processes that go into maintain a good D/s relationship can be considerable.  I know myself, I spend much time construction carefully scenes within my head that will please both myself and give my sub everything she yearns for.  It's often not enough to stick the tried and true, one of the things that seems to separate D/s from vanilla is the avoidance of routine.  That means it befalls the Dom quite often to come up with different and wonderful ways of interacting with a sub.  Not always easy.
   
  On the other side, I often hear how subs sometimes just aren't up to everything their Dom's expectand sometimes need relief.  This is where the love that exists between Dom and sub must come into play.  He must be capable of and willing to realize there are times that he must step out of the Dom role for just a while because for whatever reason, it is required.  Although ... even in doing this he is still maintaining control, just in a different way.  Were he to force his sub always to do things, sometimes against her wishes, at some point he would lose total control and fail completely.
   
  Another way to think of it is that the Dom must set up not really just simple scenes, but an arena to which the relationship falls within.  Within this arena, he maintains control but there is flexibility.  It allows both the Dom and sub slight freedoms into what they are capable of doing at any particulary time, but at the same time transparently retains the vital aspects of control and submission.
   
  For example, on certain days the Dom may instruct explicitly what the sub is to wear.  In this case, it's clear where the control parameters lie.  On other days, he may instruct her to try a different combination of clothing that will please him.  He has given slight control over to his sub, but replaced it with another control in which she has some freedoms, but in the end must meet a different control parameter.  What the Dom can never do of course is claim that he doesn't care what she wears, he has other things to worry about.  That is a loss of his own control which he must avoid.  It's not always easy, I know myself I can't generally figure out what colour shirt I'm going to wear, so determining what another is to wear can be a strain!
   
  I ramble ... and as far as the inside info on Doms go, if anybody asks you never heard it from me!
   

• onlymimi said on Sep 22, 2008....

  Welcome to SoulCast, MLR.  We don't see too many Dominants here, so your input will be very much appreciated. 

  Thank you for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful comment.   I suppose that there are different levels of control based on how a Dom and sub choose to practice D/s.  A 24/7 relationship almost certainly requires much more control and thought for a Dom.  I do have a Master, but we don't share a 24/7 arrangement.  Without question, he is Master when we are spending time together, but we both have lives apart from D/s.  In my life away from him, the submissive side of me is hidden.  It leaves me feeling a little like there are two distinct me's.  It is sometimes an uncomfortable fit.

  Well, now I am the one rambling on...  Once again, welcome to the Soulcast (and in particular, the D/s side of the street) community.

Comment on "A Relief"

Currently tagged	D/s submission Dom and sub control (Click to add tags below)
Tag this post	(Separate tags using commas, for example: New York, dating, vegetarian)
Your comment
	Comment Anonymously