Jokes for Ministers and Priests

The Frustrated Minister Joke

There was a minister who, for the life of him, could not persuade his congregation to read more of the Bible.  He pleaded with them, preached to them and otherwise conjole them into action.

            Finally he learned about “subliminal suggestion.”  That is when you play music and send a very soft verbal message in the background like, “Bible,” so that the people get it into their subconscious and start reading the Bible.  So that is what he did.  He tape recorded the word “Bible” and played it over and over again through the special music and hymns.  It went “Biiii-ble Biiiiiii-ble Biiiii-ble” over and over again.

            It worked!  But not in the way he expected.  By the end of the week every last member went out to Buy a Bull!

            The Chicken Joke

                        Why did Father Chicken CROSS the road?

                        To bless it, of course.

Popeye:

            Why did one of Popeye’s ancestors almost get stoned by the Pharisees?
            He said, “I AM what I AM and THAT’s all that I AM.”

Jokes funny only to doctors

            What is the size of the nest a bird must have to get the best night’s sleep?

            A nest the size of the bird.  “Sounds like anesthesize of the bird.”

            How does a gynecologist like his eggs cooked?

            Over easy (ovariesy)

Chicken Jokes

            Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

            The egg.  I had that for breakfast.  I didn’t eat its mother until lunch.

            The sign posted on the side of the road:  “Chicken Crossing.”   Below it another sign.  “But we don’t know why.”

            When is a chicken coming and going at the same time?

            When it is egg sitting (exiting)

Vegetable Joke

            Daddy tomato and baby tomato were being chased by the gardener.  “Catch up!” he ordered little Tom, “or you’ll’ BE ketchup!”

Peter Piper Joke

Why did Peter Piper get arrested?  He Picked the Pocket. of a Pickled Pepper.

I know where you can get ten cherries for a PENNY!  A penneytencherry! (Penitentiary)

Fred wrote the number 4 on a piece of paper then said to Jake, “I can tell what kind of a lifestyle you live by whether or not you put a minus sign in front of this number.”  Jake bit and put a minus sign there.  “Okay.  What’s my life style?”

“Do you know what you just did?  You NEGATED a FOUR!  That makes you a FORNEGATOR!”

No one knows WHY the chicken crossed the road.  But I can tell you WHY no one knows.  My great, great, great grandfather, Nicholas Dobbs, was ten years old.  He went up to a chicken and asked, “Why did you cross the road?”  The chicken just went “buck, buck buck” so Nicholas paid the chicken a buck.  “Okay now.  Why did you cross the road?”  The chicken asked for another buck which made Nicholas so mad he demanded.  “TELL ME WHY YOU CROSSED THE ROAD!” and started to chase the chicken.  He got it cornered when the chicken fought back.  He pecked poor Nicholas to death and the chicken and the other chickens, picked his bones clean.  When the towns people saw what had happened to Nicholas, no one ever dared to ask the chicken why it crossed the road ever again.

Funny T-shirt.  "My parents went to hell and back and all I got was this lousy pitch fork!"