i am gay because i like having sex with men, but i hate being gay and i cant get my head around it. i am ashamed of what i do and i am continually in denial about what is really happening in my life. i do not know how to accept this fact and celebrate it rather than denigrate it, i have shut myself down in so many areas of my life becuase fo how thsi desire pollutes other areas, i wish i was straight it would make verything i want to do so easy. but instead i walk around continually holding my breath and suppressing the depth of what needs be expressed.