I am in love with a married man. Let me explain. I've had an ex-boyfriend of whom I was deeply in love with. Back in 2006, I met this guy and we fell in love. I moved, he moved with me. He had custody of his two children a boy and a girl. I also had two children, two boys.

So we were living happily ever after if you will until one night. This one night (let's just say his name is Mike.) Mike went out with a few of his close friends of whom he considered to be brothers. I asked him to stay home but at the same time, he was always home with the kids so I said he can go out. He went out and the truth is one night can dramatically change your life.

They went out and I asked him not to be long. They were in gangs (his brothers). I received a phone call in the middle of the night and it was from a police station. My heart dropped. I didnt want to answer the phone. But I did. The police officer said Good Morning may I speak to Mrs. Right. I answered. Yes, (clearing my voice) how can I help you? He says well Im calling because I have your boyfriend Mike Right and he said I can call you because we have him in custody. The car has been towed and wrecked. He was drunk, they had guns in the car, and they had a wreck. No one was wearing seatbelts.

the first thing I could think of is he is dead and I have to raise these 4 children on my own. What am I going to do? Although I had to get up and be at work at 8 a.m. I got up and went to the police station. He was nowhere to be found. I found his brother and he was crying because he didnt have a way home. So I took him home and went back home myself.Pissed. He called at 3:33 a.m. from his mothers house. And his exact words were COME GET ME! I explained to him that I was out there and I couldnt find him and what happened. He says, "Man, BIT**, F*** YOU and bring me my MOTHA****ING KIDS! I hung up in his face.

My heart dropped and tears rolled down my face rapidly. How could he say this to me. These kids were mine. These kids called me mama. These kids called my kids their brothers and is this how he really feels? Or is it that he's drunk? Well, as my grandmother always said A DRUNK MAN SPEAKS A SOBER MIND! WOW! After all this, I thought we were a family. I just knew he was happy. How could he even open his mouth to disrepect me like that?

He calls back, BIT** I'M NOT PLAYING WIT YO AZZ, BRING ME MY MOTHERFU**ING KIDS! I said calmly and hurt barely even speaking, I'm not about to wake them up cuz you're drunk and acting fu**ing stupid. It's too late. I'll drop them off in the morning before I go to work stop calling my house!

I had to wake up and smoke a blunt because all I could think about was burning his clothes and all the rest of his shit that was in MY HOUSE! Afterall, this was my house not his. So now I am beyond mad. He keeps calling cursing and disrespecting me. I dont really care if you're drunk, sober or just an idiot you will not disrespect me. So, I put the kids in the car and dropped them off at 4 a.m. in the morning.

The next day I let them come back because afterall I did love all of them and we were a family. But I began to think about what my grandmother said, A DRUNK MAN SPEAKS A SOBER MIND! So what if thats how he really feels and he's just using me, or playing with my emotions?

So that night I told him exactly how I felt and after smoking like 3 or 4 blunts to ease the pain I felt for the moment, he began to kiss me and tell me how much he loves me. He picked me up and sat me on top of the dining room table, ripped the seam of my pj pants and began to taste me like he hasnt ate in years. I felt soo good. He began to lift my legs in the air and went towards my ass. and he made love to it with his tongue. Oh My, Oh My. I was in another world. I sat on top of the table, then on top of his shoulders while he was still eating while he carried me to the bedroom and laid me down and was still eating until my body began to shake uncontrollably like I was having a seizure and he made love to me with his tongue tasting all of my juices and slurping like he was trying to get the last of a shake out of a straw.

Needless to say, we made hot sweating love over and over all night. BUT as some men think they can mess up  and then fuck our brains out as if we wouldnt remember why they were in the dog house in the first place like everythings gonna change. YEAH RIGHT. I left for lunch with one of my friends and his brother was there. When I got inside her car I called him. "Um, I hope he came over to help you get your shit cuz I want you out of my house! You will never disrespect me like that again in your life and I am going to make sure of it."

When I got back home, he was gone and my two step kids were gone with all of their stuff. I was so sad. He called and He asked if he could come over and talk. I was horny, so I told him yes. He came over and ate me again as if he hadnt ate in years. Oh how I loved that. And he asked me to marry him because he couldnt handle life without me and he was going through alot of stuff that I couldnt understand. And I said NO!

I didn't see him for 2 years after that. I've moved on. I've always thought about him but I couldnt find him and he couldnt find me. I moved over 200 miles from where we used to live knowing in my heart that we would probably never see each other again.

I was on myspace and I FOUND HIM. I READ HIS PROFILE AND HE'S MARRIED. OH MY HEART DROPPED!

I sent him a message and he hadnt been on myspace in 3 months but I took my chances. The next day he sent me a response. And I told him to call me. I found out he had two more kids, he was married. And just when I thought I lived in this small city alone, he lived down the street. He was coming to see me and when I saw him we both just cried and we cant figure out how or why we even ended up in the same small city and down the street from each other.

Of course, I had to let him taste me again as he did in the past and it was even better and it lasted for hours until i was just ready to fall asleep and not even move anymore. We cried and made love, cried and made love. We were only in a world that it was just me and him for the whole day. NO PHONES, NO KIDS, NO T.V., NO NOTHING JUST ME AND HIM! He didnt even go home. He stayed, we talked and cried and now his marriage hasnt been the same.

I feel bad. I dont ever want another woman's man. I would never want my husband to cheat on me, so how can I do this to her. We were suppose to try to have a child together but back then I had a birth control device he didnt know about so that I wouldnt get pregnant for 5 years and now its out and the feelings are all out on the table. But what should I do? I love him and He loves me but what about her? I cant be the other woman. I dont know how to be. I will always be number one. But how can he jsut leave his family that was there when I wasnt? True , I put him out and gave up on him but now I want him back and he wants me but the reality of things are how can we be selfish? His son and daughter still ask about me and I miss them too. But what about his wife and two other children? Man, I'm stuck. What should I do?