"I know ... I know ... I've been a horrible friend to you," she says. That's my cue to reassure her and ease her guilty conscience. Oh no, not to worry, I enjoy being treated like shit, not a problem, no problem at all ....
Well, you know what? It IS a problem. A big freaking problem. You're absolutely right. You suck as a friend. You have let me down in a huge way, and it hurts. See if you can muster an actual apology and we'll talk.
When I do nice things for people, I am not running a tab, hoping for something in return. God knows, some of the help that I have offered has been in very dire circumstances, ones that I hope I never personally experience. When my friend, B., had a very bad car accident, I helped care for her children, her home, and cook meals while she recovered. Honestly, it was my pleasure. It was good to be able to offer something to ease her strain.
Now, the opportunity has arisen for her to show her gratitude. I am not suggesting a tit for tat, but something more than a single phone call might have been nice. I'm not dying, but I've been kind of sick, and definitely down. Now, after two weeks, she phones me looking for the assurance that she has been a good friend? No, I don't think so ... she disappeared during my divorce because it was a "tough situation for her", has borrowed money without any attempt at repayment, missed my graduation and doctoral hooding, and never visited once the whole time my mother was getting radiation and chemo (8 months of hell) because it was too far to travel (30 miles).
I have ... cleaned her puke, driven her home many times when she has had too much to drink, picked her children up from school, helped her write her resume and find a job, etc., etc., etc., to which she says "You've always been the strong one."
Well, you know what? I don't agree - I don't think it's strength at all. I think it's weakness, and it has to stop. I am not so desperate for so-called friendship anymore that I am going to allow myself to be used.
People change. I hope she can change, too - otherwise, I'm going to miss her, but I am sure I will get over it. By already being absent, she's made that part a whole lot easier. Can't really miss someone all that much when they weren't really here.
