So I'm sitting at work hoping he will call me.  I mean I am hoping with all my heart, mind, soul, spirit and what ever else you can hope with.

Okay, so let me explain how I got into this predicament.  A few weeks ago I had decided that I was going to end a five year relationship.  The day before I actually did the deed I got a call from my high school sweetheart.  Lets just call him "The One"

We met senior year and it was on, I mean we were inseparable, up until I left for college.  We tried and were on/off for freshmen year but the distance was too much.  California to Pittsburgh is a relationship killer.

Over the years we've kept in contact, distant but not letting each other get too far.  A call here, dinner there, a kiss or two...hey he is my first love.  But neither of us would let it get too serious...especially him.  The One actually told me once during one of our dinners that the reason why he kept me at a distance was because he didn't want to fall for me again.

So back to how I came to be sitting here silently praying that my phone will ring...That night we talked for about 6 hours.  A lot of it was catching up but some of it was the idea that maybe we were meant for each other.  My heart completely soared at the thought.  I mean its been 14 years since we had a steady/committed relationship and yet it was like someone told me I had won the lottery.

We made plans to get together...ended up taking a week (plus I didn't want to see him until after I had ended my relationship.  Didn't want the current lover man to think I was leaving him because of someone else).  So The One and I ended up taking my son and his son bowling.  We all had dinner and bowled and then the boys went off and played.  I was nervous because as I'm bowling all I can think is that he is looking at my butt.  Silly but true.  And if God is good then he made sure my butt looked really good that night.

We ended up getting together a few days later for a movie with the boys.  During the movie he kept looking at me and he rubbed my wrist, which was sore from bowling.  But then at the end of the night he didn't want to hug me.  Later got a text saying he wasn't comfortable hugging me in front of his son.  Understandable but it still hurt a bit.

A week passes and we continue to talk and he invites me and my son over to his house to hang out.  We have a good time, just hanging out.  He's acting real comfortable with us there, not to clingy or touchy.  I mean my son is right there.  But enough so that I know he's interested.  We end up staying way too late and have to spend the night.  Okay all you pervs...nothing happened.  We slept together on the floor, but I kept my clothes on all night.  There was some hugging a few kisses...no tongue.   By the time morning rolls around, I'm completely his.  It's a done deal....I am completely lost to this man.

Needless to say I've been out of sorts since then.  And I decided to be as upfront with him as I could...although I'm confident, he throws me off.  So I text him that I would really like to know where I stand with him; you know, is it something he wants to pursue seriously or just having a good time.  I'm not up for the good time thang; want something that could lead to serious business.

Well, he texts me back that he wants US to BOTH decide if this is what WE want.  Is he crazy...of course I want this.  I want it so much I can't concentrate, can't think, can't eat (except for the insane amounts of chocolate that I have been consuming).  I mean if we don't get this settled soon I am going to lose my job and flunk out of my masters program.  All I can think about is being close to him...talking to him....I feel like I'm back in high school.  Which totaly sucks.

And I've been sitting here hoping that he calls....