i woke up this morning feeling numb...so many times my parents have used the guilt trip on me to "guide"  my words and actions. why can't they just tell me i have no choice, no voice and just tell me what they want to hear me say or do? instead they ask me, for example, yesterday, 'what do you think about your brother staying with you for another four months?'  my response? 'how long again?' which sent my mom on a screaming tirade.

 

this is the most recent of my mom's tirades, filled with insults, regrets of her sacrifices for me, my parents' disappointments.  i asked them why they even bothered to ask me my opinion if clearly my opinion doesn't matter?   *sigh*

 

so my parents were expecting me to say, 'yes, of course i would love my little brother to live with me for another four months.' well,it's hard for me to feel enthusiastic living with my brother who is depressed, doesn't want to talk to me, just sits there in the corner of the living room like a log and surfs the internet and more than anything, doens't help out around the house.  i have to literally beg for him to clean the dishes, help me with the laundry, not walk around the living room while he's shaving, thus depositing the shavings all over the floor.  gross.

 

growing up he and i were very different. i was always very neat and tidy. he was a slob. i'd always take the initiative to do housework without being asked. my mom would have to scream and yell at him to do the same thing.

 

argh. i'm so used to living alone and with a highly stressful, demanding job, it's such a luxury to come home to a clean, calm home. with my brother (and my dad for a few weeks at a time) here, my tiny one bedroom apartment becomes transformed into a cramped storage unit of sorts. it stresses me out.