It's been a while since I've really read a book... and books are like air to me. Still, I don't regret it, since I had to try and be a bit more social.
Though, strangely, I'm the heart of the discussion, when it comes to partying and the lot, I'm... it's like I don't belong there. I've always been like this. I also know why. It's a mixture of being raised as a single kid, parents off to work, and my interests. Actually I was almost "hidden" from the world, but that's a looong and weird story altogether. Bottom line is, a grew up alone.
By the time I was 21, I had done a great deal of strange, even quite a bit dangerous stuff (faced death several times), but hadn't really lived what one
might call a "normal" life... Had friends, affairs, the lot, but not exactly It..
There was always something "missing"...
And that was communication.
Never really felt "part of the pack", and certainly not part of a herd! Lived like
a loner, but was not one. Felt, still do actually, that there is So much more than
we' re presented with! Actually I've a pretty good idea by now... still learning!
But always alone. Even in the company of many, or affairs, always alone.
There's just this... "common knowledge"-base kind of thing, missing...
Anyway, all in good time.
So, I gave up on reading, for a while, to try and blend-in, one more time...
Nope, can't be done! I can appear to blend-in, even partly do so, but never the
whole nine yards. I like who I am, and try to better myself of course, but I do
also know that I will always differ, in a way, be it good or bad (for the better I hope, hehe).
And now, I'm back to reading, and it feels, oh, So nice!!!...
Thing is that if one saw me I'd never give the impression of a... dedicated reader, since I look like a retired bouncer, haha! Guess it's kinda funny...
Emanon posted on Sep 05, 2008
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Comments
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Scaramouche said on Sep 05, 2008....
The secret is to never even try to fit in. Bend the world to you, not the other way round. You'll have a much better time of it. -
Emanon said on Sep 05, 2008....
True, you are absolutely right. Still, I learn things, and try and understand others, and... helps loneliness, a bit...
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Scaramouche said on Sep 05, 2008....
Say, you wouldn't by any chance be the same Emanon I know from somewhere else? Ever hear of a fellow called Rombot? -
Emanon said on Sep 05, 2008....
Nope. Emanon is not my name by the way, it means something though...
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Scaramouche said on Sep 05, 2008....
Well, I get the backwards thing. It's just that I've known precisely one other Emanon. It would have been fascinating if you had been him. -
silver_phoenix said on Sep 06, 2008....
i feel like this all the time. being alone even amongst a huge crowd of others. not fitting in, feeling awkward. but once i give up on it and let things happen naturally or as they will, then i feel like myself. i'm precisely in that stage again. it's lonely to be in one's thoughts, but empowering to feel so complete. complete in an incomplete way. -
Emanon said on Sep 07, 2008....
Indeed... If let free, balance simply flows through us, like the most natural thing in this world...
But , it also scares people away...
Individual freedom, constitutes a threat to conformed minds and hearts...
Then it's alone again... and that I don't really like. Who does? It all boils down to Choice, living alone with others, or living "flurishing free" among others, wishing...
I take the second, harder, but better.
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silver_phoenix said on Sep 07, 2008....
so if i understand, it sounds like maybe my independent nature is off-putting to others. i really don't know how to be any other way. it's so me and if i wasn't that way i would be totally nothing. i'm not sure i know what you mean by the second choice. -
Emanon said on Sep 07, 2008....
I mean, accepting your nature, regardless what people say, and having to live with
them not understanding you. And wishing for a soulmate... someone who not only accepts
your choice, but also understand you.
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silver_phoenix said on Sep 07, 2008....
i see now. i suppose i do accept my nature (i certainly don't reject it!) on the nature of soulmates....do you believe we have only one? or do we have more than one? me, i'm not so sure. -
Emanon said on Sep 08, 2008....
That's a very good question! I honestly don't know, but since the odds of finding even one (of many), are scarce, who cares? The sheer joy of finding is enough for me.
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Emanon said on Sep 08, 2008....
That's a very good question! I honestly don't know, but since the odds of finding even one (of many), are scarce, who cares? The sheer joy of finding is enough for me.
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silver_phoenix said on Sep 08, 2008....
haha, i getcha. but i do sorta care! i'd like to find at least one at some point here. :-D -
Emanon said on Sep 09, 2008....
So do I, therefore I never give up too.
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andora said on Sep 09, 2008....
what a refreshing post Emanon, thankyou
I'm glad you are reading again because I wrote a book that I would like to share with you...it is about all that you have written above and oh so much more. You seem like the perfect candidate for the game that is in the book. The game can be played as a dating game...that establishes deep levels of intimacy without the sex up front. Bringing sex in before the intimacy robs us of so much depth. My whole life has been about understanding this principle and you can read the first 6 chapters for free at www.pangasm.org. My gift to my soulmate....fidelity to my heart.
aloha and mahalo for being a romantic man...I'm feeling better now.
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Emanon said on Sep 09, 2008....
I' honored Andora ! I will read it tonight.
Be well
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andora said on Sep 09, 2008....
now I'm honored
I head for the forest now, I will check back in a week to find out what feelings panGasm brings up in you
mahalo
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Emanon said on Sep 09, 2008....
May I ask you one thing?
Do you know what "Redza titi tek nakalo" means? Don't know the spelling, Iv e only heard it. Long story..
P.S. I live by the sea
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andora said on Sep 09, 2008....
i couldn't leave without mentioning your question about whether we get more than one soulmate silver pheonix
I define the concept of soulmate at www.pangasm.org in electromagnetic terms in the hopes of taking this issue beyond that of personality into the realm of Essence (ether, chi, the force, etc...). My invitation to read panGasm is extended to you as well silver pheonix. As a Fire Rooster and a fellow pheonix, aloha
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andora said on Sep 09, 2008....
no i don't know what that means, tell me
what sea do you see?
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Emanon said on Sep 09, 2008....
I don't really know. "Heard" it, a long time ago, long story.
The Mediterranean, The Aegean...
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andora said on Sep 09, 2008....
Are you in Israel? -
andora said on Sep 09, 2008....
I went to Israel for the first time in 2006 and was feeling a deep lust to visit Greece. I'm talking about a deep and abiding lust -
Emanon said on Sep 09, 2008....
Nope, I'm in sunny Greece.
P.S. The phrase was one of many strange things in my life
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Scaramouche said on Sep 09, 2008....
Dammit - you beat me out of a disturbing comment. Now it'll never be seated properly on the page, and I have to edit it into this lame piece of nothing. Bugger. -
andora said on Sep 09, 2008....
was that you setting the place on fire? -
andora said on Sep 09, 2008....
something like that, but as a woman there is a different connotation to the term my friend;] -
andora said on Sep 09, 2008....
you write very good english...is that your first language? -
Emanon said on Sep 09, 2008....
Greek, I'm Greek. But, in a way, party British. Long story too, hehe
I love english, but don't get the chance to speak often...
P.S. sorry Scaramouche
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Emanon said on Sep 09, 2008....
By the way, living in a rain forest is... beyond words....
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andora said on Sep 09, 2008....
yes the place I live would be beyond words for most people, but for me, words come very easy indeed.
I have packed up my Jeep with provisions for the week as I go to swing a pick axe...when you said you were a big man who reads - of course my antennae went up...looking for help signore. My son is 6'8" but does not want to work on the farm unless his girl comes with him (she graduates from college in 2 yrs). I can't blame him it is very lonely to work the land alone, even if your momma is cooking for you.
What good is paradise if I have no one to share it with. yes, I know this will change so I don't get too gushy about it. I'm grateful beyond words, even me.
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Emanon said on Sep 09, 2008....
Haha, I'm not a tall man, average height (but very strong).
And I do like to cut wood, hehe. But what I really liked doing was knife throwing on
trees, you know, target practice. But trees feel so much more than we think, so..
And yes, Paradise can be a very lonely place indeed. But I also bet you'll just never
give up...
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andora said on Sep 09, 2008....
I don't know how to give up...what does that look like? prozac?
Recently I was in Limbo...this is a terrible place to check out the wallpaper...that all changed for me when the Forest opened her arms to me once again. Now, rather than being a 'Guerilla Forester' with men in helicopters chasing me around like I was the hunted, I have 36 acres to farm, with 60 acres to reforest. I'm happy, free and full of dignity. As a forest creature, I was dying in town, now I am back in my body and looking forward to life like never before. Last time I gave up, I walked into the forest and she coddled me, breathed new life into me then she sent me back to civilization to publish panGasm. Went to the Middle East to inject her with panGasm and now I get my just rewards...life under the canopy looking upon the Big Island and healing.
Thanks for talking with me Emanon...SC has not been very happy with my presence...but then again what else would a demon expect?
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andora said on Sep 09, 2008....
glad you don't like throwing knives at the living any longer, maybe a stump
throwing a knife could be very helpful
i had the opportunity to bring weapons with me, since I am a woman alone in the forest, but I feel that whatever I prepare for will come around the corner...so I prepare for peaceful activities...like panGasm. Played panGasm in Israel with several beautiful Israeli men, all the while wondering if playing with a Greek savage was more what the doctor called for. Did you notice that I mentioned Greece before you did? I am connected to the temple of Delphi on every level of my being....I feel as though I must go there once the tree's get planted.
That's my plan - plant the tree's then tour the world - when I come home panGasm will have been adequately disemminated and the tree's will be baring fruit. My fruit tree's will bare fruit in half the time because of Bio-dynamic farming at its finest. I have been able to cultivate plants through prayer. I can keep a trail that I opened from growing over just by visiting the plants on the inner plane and visualizing what I want them to do. Have you ever read any of the Ringing Cedar books?
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Emanon said on Sep 09, 2008....
Just got back from the sea, beautiful by night...
I haven't read Ringing Cedar books, will take a look though.
Your plan is a noble one indeed! Funny, since I'm the plant business
myself, haha! -
andora said on Sep 09, 2008....
have u seen the video called 'the secret life of plants'?
I noticed u deleted your lewd statement, afraid of being misunderstood?
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Emanon said on Sep 09, 2008....
I didn't delete anything, don't understand what you're saying Andora.
Yes, I've also read the book, great film, I love it!!! -even got the LP- -
andora said on Sep 09, 2008....
thanks for helping me return to the forest with good feelings about having visited SC once again. I keep telling myself to find a different blog but I do not, mostly because I really do not want to go to blogs, and I come back because crybabylu is a woman I love and respect and she is here. We are entirely different, yet the same when it comes to love.
Last week i went to the forest with deep memories getting stirred by my own ugly expressions here at SC and it was good to throw the pick axe and sort it all out. Then I come back to the S side of the island and get with friends and we make music and dance...I like what scaramouche said about purging his/her spleen, which is what I do at SC before I go home. Now I can contemplate the truth of what happened at the temple of Delphi and dream about the ancient tree's that still stand along the Aegean with memories of the truth, knowing that the truth never dies as long as the truth is willing to expose her naked glory
Talley hoe
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Emanon said on Sep 09, 2008....
Hmmm, I'll read the chapters now, before I go to bed.
Be well Andora o the woods ! -
silver_phoenix said on Sep 10, 2008....
thank you andora. i'll try and check it out real soon =)
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