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motivation

morningjade posted on Sep 04, 2008 | views: 69 | Tags: asian, parent, cultural differences
i'm glad i came across this site. i never really thought of creating a blog but with my current issues surounding my role as the indebted daugther of asian immigrants, i seriously need a way to vent. don't get me wrong. i love my family and i am totally indebted to them.  i would be more than happy to help them out but i do want them to respect my feelings and boundaries. they have sacrificed a tremendous amount in helping me be where i am today. it would have been much more difficult getting here without them. 
 
my family (brother and dad) has been staying with me in a small one bedroom apartment. at first it was going to be for a couple of weeks. that couple of weeks turned into a month. then another month and another. each time, they extend it further and further, without a clear endpoint. if i ask how long, they get hurt because they believe that i should be more than happy to help them out when they need help. it's one thing if they need money. i'll give them money the best i can. but i need my space, my mental space and emotional space.
 
growing up i've never been encouraged to share my feelings. if i do, my parents laugh it off or dismiss them. my friends were never good enough  because they were allowed tobe regular kids who played and had birthday parties. my boyfriends have never been good enough, even the one whose resume fulfilled their expectations. he wasn't good enough because his parents were divorced. living by myself has allowed me to live the life i want. i can see my friends when i want to, wear what i want, date who i want. but now my family is here, i feel their oppression again...the quiet looks of disapproval when i leave the house late at night, the 'why are you wearing that?', the 'you shouldnt spend so much time with your girlfriends. you need to go find yourself a good husband' comments. its driving me crazy!!!
 
it's difficult trying to find a therapist who understands the cultural influences that seed the friction between me and my parents. i want to know if what i'm feeling is valid. am i being unreasonable? what should i do? how can i keep the peace with my family yet still live the life i want?
 
thanks for reading...
 
 
 


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  • badasianmom said on Sep 05, 2008....
    "growing up i've never been encouraged to share my feelings. if i do, my parents laugh it off or dismiss them."

    I totally relate! Which is why blogging in an open, emotional way is new to me. Growing up, my opinions and feeling were not valued. My parents paid lip service by telling me that I could talk to them about anything, but when I tried, they would dismiss my feelings and concerns, as if though they were childish. After awhile, I couldn't tell them anything, and I felt like they only wanted perfect behavior, but not to get to know me or love me as a person.

    BTW, are your parents Chinese? I think there's still some prejudice against Chinese daughters nowadays. My brother was able to get away with things that I could not do. Of course, he's also the youngest, but still, I think they were much harder on me than they were on him.
  • morningjade said on Sep 05, 2008....
    omg, badasianmom!!! that's EXACTLY what my parents do! my parents have also told me that i could talk to them about anything. so, like you, i tried, only to a response of dismissal and ridicule. they'll say things like, 'what kind of nonsense are you talking about?' 'don't be stupid.' if i'm hurt or crying about something, they either make fun of me or say 'why do you have to cry? you don't need to cry!' they just don't understand and i don't think they feel like they need to understand. i think for them, emotions only get in the way of looking unified as a family, monetary sucess and saving face.
     
    i'm taiwanese. i have one little brother as well, and yes, he totally gets away with so much more. he's such a mama's boy. my mom always rushes to his side when my dad or i criticize him.
  • badasianmom said on Sep 05, 2008....
    Sounds like we have a lot to talk about. How about exchanging emails? You can write me at vaia1@bigstring.com.

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Phoenix14 posted on Nov 11, 2008 | views: 98 | Tags: Asian smart school racism Ap honor, asian, education, Asian Incest, Cultural Incest, Asian Inbreeding
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