Yesterday, something happened to me on the bus. A young man, obviously drunk, starts hitting on ladies. A bus full of people, nobody says a single word. Including me. How frightened are we of doing what our conscience tells us to do, and not our "better judgement"...That's telling us to keep our head down, get trampled on, we might live another day where the same things will happen over and over again.
I was afraid, so afraid...But also angry at me, angry at the others for not doing anything...This is the world we live in...And what would have happened, if I had taken a stand? One thing for sure, my conscience would have been clean. I have taken the decision that if something like that ever happens to me, I am to act according to my conscience, not my fears...But will I have the courage?
If no one is to take a stand, where will this world get? It all starts and ends with the our daily choices...Guided by fear, inertia, or other hidden feelings...How can we get the courage,the will to do what needs to be done? And not turn our heads, and hope that will pass away...
I'm not much of a brawler, so probably I would have got my ass kicked, if no one else would have intervened...Or worse...But the price is high for a clear conscience...And how terrible the burden of a heavy one...
the_wanderer posted on Jun 03, 2006
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Comments
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Tappa said on Jun 03, 2006....
Wanderer, don't beat yourself up here; it is natural to feel torn 'tween fight/flight. I, too, would feel the urge to step up to help along with the 'how do I?' 'what do I do?' 'who's gonna help?' That turmoil can be paralysing - by the time you've worked out your strategy the incident is over. Those of us who've BTDT sympathise. [i]note to all; take Self Defence lessons before buying a super hero outfit - grin.[/i] -
AnonymousVoice said on Jun 07, 2006....
I've read all your blogs thus far, and I know the paths your wander. I've wandered down many roads, have found my way out of a barren wasteland into a fertile field where I planted small seeds that grew into bountiful crop. I know what it's like to have the rain come down in a torrent, destroying everything I had worked for. I've had salt poured into that fertile ground leaving me no choice but to begin to wander again. I've wandered, found joy, sorrow, beauty, ugliness, life and death. Fear is something that can be overcome. I know you've found yourself going in the same old goddamned circles, trapped and without hope. There is always a way out of that trap. You will find your way... as I have had to find mine. You are not alone. -
the_wanderer said on Jun 08, 2006....
You are right...But now in my hours of despair I am alone...I fear I will always be alone...I don't think I'll ever be able to escape the pain I feel...But you are right...There is hope...Hope that one day the sun will shine for me for more than an instant...But until then I am lost in this darkness...And I am my only companion...I know now that no one can save me, but me...And I can't bring myself to do that just now...Time is the healer of many things...Perhaps it can also heal my soul...However, I dread that I will never be safe from these clouds that seem to follow me everywhere...I can't escape myself...Until then, I must search for my way out...For every fall I take, there's a new beginning...I just hope to put my life on a track, whatever that might be...I know, I am still young...But life isn't tomorrow, and it isn't yesterday...It's here and now...And it seems I'm throwing it away...Every precious moment, second after after second, hour after hour...Everyhting thrown away...And I don't give a single damn... -
AnonymousVoice said on Jun 08, 2006....
In the time and place of my own darkness, I believed that my soul had cancer. Perhaps yours does as well. :( It saddens me to even suggest to another human being this diagnosis. And you must at least give half a single damn, or else you wouldn't be in such a state of despair. -
the_wanderer said on Jun 08, 2006....
Maybe I give a damn...But I don't care enough to do something about it...I'm desperately trying to get out of this hell hole that at times is also known as my life...But I don't seem to be trying enough...And probaly you're right...I am also plagued by the cancer of the soul...How can I find my cure? Or is all in my head? Or maybe, that's the problem, being all in my head...Argh! Too many questions, too many options...But, maybe, or, possibly...I can't make up my mind...But that's the problem...I won't make up my mind, because I can't...As hard as I want to, I can't take a decision that might save me... -
AnonymousVoice said on Jun 09, 2006....
I'm reaching my hand out to you... -
the_wanderer said on Jun 09, 2006....
If only I'm able to take it... -
AnonymousVoice said on Jun 09, 2006....
Just reach for me.
Comment on "A life in fear is no life."
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