do you ever say you'll do something and then don't?
or have grand plans and then life gets in the way with other important things?

i do it all the time.
but this time was a bit different.
because you see.......i'd planned on failing.

the first time i'd ever done that.....oh in the past i'd had a feeling i'd fail....i kinda "knew" i would fail......but it's WAY different than actually planning on failing.

but well, life happened, and i failed.
but i got back up and tried again.
i never gave up this time.
sure my plans are pushed further into the future.
sure i feel a little embarrassed that my grand schemes have gone awry.

but....my plans and work is still in there somewhere.....and i keep doing little things to move it forward.
learning from my own experience and knowing myself better than i ever have before has taught me that i MUST be prepared for failure.
emotionally.
or i'll never succeed.

there have been very very few things i've tried that i've succeeded at.
mostly because i'm my own worst enemy and i sabotage myself....or set myself up for failure.

now, i'm at least prepared for it.....and i'm not going to let it stop me from EVENTUALLY getting where i want to be.

not a vague kinda "someday" ....but a concrete "SOMEDAY!"
cause i still have a plan.
i just went a little overboard.
and didn't calculate the fact that i've NEVER had much self control.
and i have three kids.
i have to teach myself how to stay on task, and how to pare down my expectations of myself without expecting absolutely nothing of myself.