almost 6 pm and i still didnt leave my room, (bathroom doesnt count)
im not hungry for some reason, i didnt eat anything since noon yesterday, and feel......empty? i never knew u can feel empty....thats a f*cked up feeling. No body is home, and tony hid somewhere and sleeps, i tried to call him but he never came. Nastya is back in town, she wants to go out to eat. i wanna go, but with unbrushed hair, no make up, and in my pejamas. but i know i cant do that.
i prolly gonna wear jeans, long sleeve shirt and brush my hair to leave it open...im at the point where i stopped caring about how i look, now i just think "for who?"  and long he been with me i thought "he saw me at my worse so who cares"   thats another thing i blame myself for, i never took care of myself.

im talkin to him on msn at the same time right now. feels like old times when i was in germany and he was in kiev. that was the time we actually started talkin. then when i came back, we went to safe and still at that time i didnt know what it was leading to. im happy im with him...even at the moment im not and we argue all the time. im greatful