Oh well....I know that a couple of people have pointed out to me that I have sort of become the professor of doom and gloom lately............and i wish for that to stop as soon as everybody else does.Its just at the moment,well, I am feeling a little mixed up right now.Both emotionally,mentally - thats not to say that I have become a nut job - far from it,and physically.
I just dont know which direction i want to take myself anymore.This week has been hard on me,very hard.It turns out that I have torn a small muscle in my back,as a result of the strain that has been put on it by the movement in my spine.It doesnt know which direction it wants to go either.
This is the reason why I havent 'been around' much of late.I have been doing a bit of commenting,but havent posted anything since the lakehouse.Which I may add,I thank you all for your comments on.As it happens,I had made a photocopy of the original to try out a few colour ranges on to see what it would look like,and lets just say,I am glad that it was a copy.
As it looked hideous.
I will try again soon,I hope,before I change my mind and shade it in in pencil instead.
So I had to take 2 days off work this week to 'recover'.Did it help - not sure yet.Pretty much cos I was physically incapable of doing anything except lying in bed.Nothing wrong with that,I guess,except I am not a lying in bed on my own kind of person.Caught up on a bit of sleep - not enough really - but just enough.And did WAY too much thinking,even for me.The eternal question - where do you see yourself in 5 years time.?
Well,personally - 7 years ago,I had doctors tell me I was going to be in a wheel chair in 5 years,so either i am way too stubborn or they got it wrong.I tend to think that I am just too stubborn.Sometimes for my own good.
But I thought about a lot of things ;job;money;where would i be living ?? Too many things actually.I wondered if the op in Jan would work and what would I be able to do afterwards,if anything.My road running career of 25 years and counting would almost come to complete halt. Maybe thats what was bugging me.I dont know.I need to start training again,at least to get myself ready for the recovery period after the op.A little far ahead some may say.But at this point.I dont know what I am going to be recovering from.
Oh well,just some thoughts....
cuppajava posted on Aug 30, 2008
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Comments
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pusscat said on Aug 30, 2008....
Hello youI think the idea of preparing yourself for the recovery period - not knowing what as you say, you will be recovering from, is a good and positive one CJ. I don't think you have anything to apologise for though if your posts have been "doom and gloom". Isn't that what this community is for? Being able to put those thoughts out so see what advice, support or comfort can be gained? If I had all of this going round in MY head and didn't have anywhere for it to go I'd be sitting doing a lot of basket weaving by now LOL!I don't think your stubborness is anything to be ashamed of either my friend. It is a well documented fact that positive thinking by people with ailments and disabilities have such a positive physical effect too. Your stubborness as you call it has most likely been what has gotten you this far and will continue to get you through CJ.You probably don't realise it but you are an inspiration to people, you really are! How many of us may have crumbled now into negativity and self pity with what you have had to endure over your lifetime - child and adulthood? You may feel like you have been negative with your posts but I have never seen self pity from you here - NEVER.Don't change who and what you are and the gods and fate will do the rest. None of us know what the future holds. The perfectly abled bodied person with no disabilities or illness that falls down the stairs and ends up in a wheelchair? No preperation time there. You see? You could be preparing for the worst that never happens. Life has a strange way of knowing what we can and can't handle. Take it one day at a time and always remember we are here for you.Take care friendpusscat -
wishyouwerehere said on Aug 30, 2008....
PC said it all so eloquently - good thing because my present state of mind has robbed me of a lot of my fancy words. Must be the medication!I don't find you to be all doom and gloom at all, CJ. If anything, I think your realism helps you cultivate a true appreciation of the positives. You see the challenge, but you haven't crumbled. There is no true strength without resistance, and no true courage without the presence of something to scare us. Being positive is different than being a pollyanna who pretends that the world is a wonderful place where nothing ever goes wrong.Now, I will scold you - road running is probably the worst thing for your back. The pounding motion forces the spine to take way too much pressure. Isn't there some other way for you to stay physically active? I wish you were closer - I would take you to Zumba class with me - LOL - salsa dancing/ boxing/ aerobics - less pounding, lots of fun. (I am sure it will be a month at least before I am zumba-ing again!) Seriously, CJ - there is enough going on in your back without accelerating anything. I would think the physical activity itself helps sustain you, but running is such a poor choice.I am both happy and sad to hear that you took some time for bedrest. I am sure the lack of activity is frustrating. I can definitely identify with that right now, but I am glad you thought enough of yourself to allow a chance to recover - man of perpetual motion!Sending you good healing energy & comforting vibes - Wishy -
Lucytorial said on Aug 30, 2008....
Can I climb in your bed with you?? **wink wink**Don't be so hard on yourself! I can't add any more than Puss has or Wishy. -
lionesss said on Aug 30, 2008....
im with my bezzie mate, she talks alot of sense so you should listen to her, as pusscat has got me through so many bad times and gave me some really good adivce and support along the way, stay positive cj~~~lionesss x -
day2day said on Sep 01, 2008....
hi cup,I think it's wise to prepare. But, i've scanned ur posts and i still don't know what's wrong with you. Sorry to sound so blunt. I've only been around a couple months. If you want to share with me.day
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