I've made it through my first week of school so far.  Surprisingly it's been going fairly well, since the last 3 semesters were pretty bad.  I finally went to a class I was curious about a couple years ago when I first saw it and it may just very well be where I belong.  It's veternary medicine and the very first day the teacher was telling us why we might be interested in this major and all of the things he said were what I've been looking for.  I mean you get to work with animals, it's very meaningful work, not boring, make lots of money and you get to be a doctor and all fancy that way, I like all those things and they've all finally come together.  I'm seriously thinking of switching to this, but I think I will see where this class takes me this semester to make sure, I'm actually excited about it though.  All the classes I have are all lower level, so they're not scary, I think that's a big help too.  I should ease back into school.  Plus I talked to the animal science advisor and it looks like I have at least half of the major done already.    

   Things are even working out well at school.  I took care of little things like a parking pass and books right away before school started.  The last few semesters I didn't do that and things fell apart on me pretty quick, those little bad things led to bigger bad things.  I'm relieved that maybe I'm doing what I'm suppose to be, woohoo.  I hope.   

   I think my happy pills are helping me with school.  I'm more positive while I'm there, when I used to get really down.  Although I see I'm having some problems already.  I'm compareing myself way to much with all the skinny girls in my classes and walking around.  I am kind of getting more and more self conscience and that's bad.  I'll eventually start getting really frusterated with my clothes and may even miss class because I'll be so upset by how I look.  I've done that before and it sucks. 

    I think I do need to go back to counseling, but I'm afraid to at my school.  I just keep thinking about how it was last time.  I mean my counselor was really nice and I do think the group therapy helped, but I did get really down.  It was a little scary how down I was.  Then I remember how I don't really like their style of counseling.  In group therapy one counselor would stare at us when there was a long silence, and my regular counselor didn't start offering advise till when I was almost done.  When I saw a counselor in California, he didn't do anything to make me purposely nervious and he would offer his opinion, which I liked.  I could ask to see someone else, but I'm pretty sure they're gonna make me do group therapy again, and then I'll be stared at and uncomfortable for almost 2 hours a week, ugh.  So ya I'm putting that off, but I'd like to help myself as soon as I can before things start effecting my school again.  I'm not sure what to do about it yet. 

    I have my mean bad friend on my mind more lately.  I'm getting more upset that he won't say hi to me and that I have to initiate everything.  My friend was saying that his sister is married to a guy that took a long time to let her get close to him, and he was terrible and communicating.  It be nice to know if that's whats happening here.  My momma wanted me to get some stuff on St.Anthony too.  I got a little book and a card of him.  In the book I'm suppose to read a page a day for 9 days I think and say his prayer.  I'm almost done, I'm not sure if I'm doing it right.  Anyway, all this is suppose to help me get a boyfriend or get married.  Today my momma said she felt like she was going to move soon.  That sounded really weird to me because I thought she was happy to be back in her house and it felt nice, just like I'm feeling about it.  Sometimes I swear she can tell when things are going to happen.  When she said that I felt like maybe that means my brother and I will be tied up with significant others and she can do what she wants to do finally.  Course that's all probably silly talk or just being hopefully that one day it'll happen that way, but who knows. 

    Anyway, hopefully I'll get around this weekend to finishing my Europe blogs and having myself caught up on homework.