January 2007, I decided that I needed for many reasons, to get myself into therapy.  A friend recommended somebody, I booked the appointment and off I went with a hop skip and a jump to therapy.  That was the first session…I couldn’t go back for 6 months…he terrified the crap out of me!

I hated every uncomfortable, exposed minute of it.  I was a wreck the entire day before my sessions…and then my therapist suggested sessions twice a week…oh my word…Sunday to Wednesday were my most anxious days for a long time.

This has been quite an experience for me… it has taken me the better part of a year to allow myself to trust him.  I have discussed things that I have carried with me since I was a little girl…things that I have been so ashamed of for as long as I have been aware of them.  It has been liberating to be able to voice those things...I am always acutely aware of his reactions afterwards…they are always the same.  Interest…not the disgust and revulsion I am expecting.         

I think for the first time in my life I have actually experienced a level of intimacy in a relationship.  This is obviously a professional relationship with clear boundaries, but for therapy to work there has to be a level of trust and intimacy…until now I have not ever allowed anybody to see me at my most vulnerable and helpless.  It’s not that scary for me anymore…

I feel so different these days and am so glad that he has relentlessly kicked my butt and pushed me…even though it was so hard at times. 

It’s been worth it…