I technically had sex for the first time aged 15 in a nettle bed in town. Since then I have been sexually active.

 

However, it wasn't until I was 20 I had a girlfriend that told me that we wern't making love, we just fucked slowly. At the time,  I had no idea what she was on about.

 

Over the months she taught me about intimacy, and a sensitive part to me that hadn't been let out before, probably due to a few abusive relationships.

 

The tender, sensitive side of me began to emerge, slowly and tentitively, and for the first time in my life I let myself become truely vonerable.

 

She held me during the cold nights, stroked me as I slept, kissed my neck and we couldn't keep our hands off each other. When we were in a room together she'd always be sitting on my lap, or curled upto my chest.

 

I took a breath, and became ready for love. Real love. Passion, and making love rather than fucking slowly.

 

She dumped me for her ex, the sensitive part of me squealed and scurried back inside my psyche and my guard went back up.

 

Through the months of being single I learnt to be more comfortable with myself and tried to organise my soul into a position where I could be in love and allow myself to be loved.

 

So now at 22, after 19 sexual partners in 7 years, I think I'm ready to lose my virginity. Properly.