• kruuyai said on Aug 24, 2008....

  beyond:  I know exactly how you feel.  Hopefully, "tired" is just temporary for you.  I think you can melt that numbness.  Do you know what's causing it?  I think you've been through a lot of pain lately.  Maybe you're tired of all the pain?  Try to think of the joy instead.  Easier said than done, I know... but if you choose just one joyful moment and reflect on it, I believe it will help your spirit.  Sorry, that's the best I can do at this late hour.  It's so good to see you back here.  {{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

• Mamie said on Aug 24, 2008....

  wow, this is so beautiful...and so there might be the answer from your own hands...keep on writing that out...because only by reaching will we see this beauty again; the beauty  that lies in the murky or cloudy, right? You actually are answering for me my day's dilemma...letting go and moving on while feeling so unstable about it....perhaps your numbness is a stillness instead? Perhaps the not caring is a letting go of a past in order to make space for a future. And achieving higher spiritual levels...making the actual transition ALWAYS FEELS LIKE A DYING....I do not know why. A nd so my friend, we face, not an ending but a new beginning....let us rest, as I am tired too. Tomorrow, we will begin by taking one step forward. My heart thanks you for healing me today. Mamie
   

• secretlife said on Aug 24, 2008....

  ah beyond....you've put your finger on exactly how i've been feeling for about 3 months now----tired.  not just tired, but weary-
   
  personally i think alot of what you're feeling can be attributed to mourning over your mom.  her death is something that will take some time to come to grips with---and in a world that never stops moving forward--that time that you are mourning can make you feel like you're living on another planet.
   
  rest when you can.  be patient and kind to yourself.  i'm positive one day both of us will once again be able to see the beauty.  i know it's there.
   
   

• PAPERBACKWRITER said on Aug 24, 2008....

  
  I am sorry you are feeling this way beyond.
  
  We have not had the chance to interact because I was tired too for the longest time, and could only blog mostly about my inner-pain, which became unbearable that it brought me to a place that I only revisited today.  To be in one´s mid-30´s and be in this state would be alarming; I was so tired, I was not even alarmed.
  
  Your words are so beautiful even in your time of weariness.  I feel in time you would see beauty again in all magnificence.  I echo the words of the wise ladies, who commented before me...
  
  It is temporary, a transition...which feels like a slow death process to make way for rebirth with new perspective for all things beautiful.
  
  Wishing you well,
  
  paper ~
  
  
  
  

• woman said on Aug 24, 2008....

  Beyond~ You have written beautifully about your present state of mind. I know this weary feeling. When "the world is too much with us". When I have felt like climbing into my heavenly father's loving arms to rest. When I have felt it might be time to go home. It usually came from my battle with diabetes or great saddness from watching a child deal with problems. Sometimes from one more hurt within my marriage. With me, the feeling has never lasted long. I think of some new thing I want to do, I gather my forces together and head off. I hope that you can get excited about some new adventure and feel the joy of living again. It's out there and I hope you find it soon.

• queenparanoia said on Aug 24, 2008....

  this is weird... i just posted about something about not caring... maybe that's what i feel today... numb... i love your definition of beauty cuz it's so true in a way...
   
  Beauty isn't just the pleasing face, or the soft music, or clear skies with mountains in the distance. Beauty is an actual state of being. It doesn't flow in through your eyes, it flows out from your eyes after being felt in the heart and needs an outlet. All that flows in through the senses is information, and all that flows out is what your ability has made it become.
   
  wouldn't be the world a better place if we see beauty this way??? ;-)

• MissMimi said on Aug 24, 2008....

  I can relate very well to this feeling of utter life fatigue, and having lost the ability to feel.  I don't know if it's a permanent numbness in me.  I think it's a defense mechanism, a way for the soul to protect itself from further hurt.

  I do wish you a renewal of your spirit, beyond, so you can experience the beauty around you.

   

• RollingC said on Aug 25, 2008....

  Isn't that how we all feel given the negative circumstances that we're surrounded with on a daily basis ?
  That's how I've been feeling for the last several months what not with the separation and coming divorce. But enough of negativity. I don't know what you're going through but I wish you strength and positive willful thinking. 
  If this is not something with a physical cause or ailment then the tired feeling will pass and it will pass faster with a positive spin on it.
  Perservere....the grass grows greener after the storm.... :^)
  Rc

• polarheart said on Aug 25, 2008....

  Beyond. . .I understand.  I understand the numbness.  And I dont think it has anything to do with age.  I have been feeling that for a very long time. . .but only identified it recently.  I have explained it as feeling "neutral". . .but numb is probably correct to.  I have my own philosophies as to why I have come to this point, but I guess in the end it will be different for everyone.  I will discuss it with you in PM if you are interested.
   
  I just wanted to also so say that this is a wonderful and deep post.  Thank you for sharing.  You are an inspiration even if you dont believe it.
   
  Love Polar x

• scipio said on Aug 25, 2008....

  This is another wonderfully well written post and comments today.
  Pleasure to be on SC once again
   

• Battycat said on Aug 25, 2008....

  I'm so sorry you feel so bad beyond, that "numb" feeling I can relate to, but things can change in the blink of an eye, please don't give up ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

• hugecock! said on Aug 25, 2008....

  Paint a young (18) nude girl Cheer up!!!!!!!!

• skald said on Aug 25, 2008....

  I am so sorry  that you feel that way. When we have much trouble in our life we can become numb. But winds and rains clear up and I hope you will feel your joy and see the beauty again. ((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))

• truthsayer said on Aug 25, 2008....

  Dearest Beyond:
   
  Alas, once again my sweet prince of soul cast...you have painted something beautiful with your words, in a world that has become so much darker in the last 20 years or so.  I too have felt this so many times in the last few years especially, that I did not know how I could go on.  It is the little light in each of us that when we show it and share it, as you just did...the darkeness has to flee.  So thank you.   
   
  I have seen more than a few lights in the darkness of the last few years.  I met you & RC, secret & polar, MissMimi, kruuyai and all the other lovely ladies and gentlemen that I have had the pleasure to interact with, right here...in the most unlikely place.  I met you all here on the internet...in a no-place called soul cast.  I have experience the soul cries, tears, joys and heart-songs of each of you. 
   
  Your words healed me today too Beyond.  Your words give me courage to keep living in a dying world.  Does that make any sense to you?  I will not go softly into that good night! 
   
  You helped me to remember my purpose.  You helped me to remember that everything, and everyone is important.  You helped me to help myself too.  Is that not beautiful?  You know it is.  You have just said it yourself.  You have just expressed the sadness, the deep "nothing" that we all have been feeling lately.  It too has a purpose, although I am never fond of the feeling at the time; it always reveals something that I need to know...if I will only stop struggling so and just let it wash over me and fade into a new awareness.
   
  There is this also:  I felt joy in "seeing" the beauty that you have so eloquently expressed here.  Sometimes, we must content ourselves with simply doing what we can for the day, and let tomorrow worry or "be numb" for itself.  Now is the time for simple pleasures, for little observations and for quiet reflection...which is what you just did.  Go fix yourself one of those weird pickle sandwiches that you made while your wife was gone, and sit outside while you eat it.  Do something little, but different : )
   
  And don't give up on me yet Prince Beyond.  I have been told that I am covered by a veil of grace.  Beyond the veil?  What exists beyond the veil?  The One who covers me.  Like woman said, I curl up in the heart of God.  Concealed in the cleft of His own heart...I can see you and polar; RollingC, scipio, skald, kruu, secret, paper, queen, Mimi, batty...and yes, the one you were all waiting for...even hc took time out of his day to encourage you beyond : )  Now that is beautiful my friend, just beautiful.
   
  Awesome post.  Keep it up, and keep looking up.  It always helps me.  No kidding.  God tells me that all the time.  I have my own "tendancies" and issues you know ; )  You don't have a corner on that market.  That's for sure.  Just looking up seems to show me something, every single time.  When you're outside of course!  Ceilings aren't known for the great mysteries they reveal ; )  The sky however...well, the sky...day or night...now that can really shake me up.
   
  Love to you my friend...no, love to all of the gentle readers of your blogs. 
   
  May God bless you all.
   
  Your neighbor,
   
  Truth      

• moonriver said on Aug 25, 2008....

  Hi beyond my friend. I know this feeling of vague aches quite well, the sense of inner beauty and the struggle not to lose it, but you express it so beautifully here. In the past several weeks, I coped with these feelings too. I still can't blog about it, but maybe in a couple of hours I'll post a blog about the end result. Peace to you, soul brother... :-)
  
  

• Lucytorial said on Aug 25, 2008....

  Beyond, you have such a wonderfully gentle nature, the beauty of your own soul shines through with posts like this one.
   
  Life for me is how we see it, what do we want to see in our lives? the darkness, lurking blackness of the ugly side of human nature? not for me, there is beauty everwhere for me and I do hope that you pass through this phase with a deeper knowledge and wisdom.  I'm young, but a child to most in age so my words really don't hold the respect and reverence or understanding they may well do in another twenty years.  If the words I say then are anything like the ones you have said above I know I have learned in life.  *hugs*

• silver_phoenix said on Aug 25, 2008....

  hey beyond~ i like the quote and it's good to have a name attached to it. i often analyze the world and it is no easy task to look past the ugliness to see the beauty. sometimes i can look right into the ugliness and hunt for something that someone else may not see as beautiful but i consider it to be. i hope that your senses reawaken to this beautiful world we all occupy. it may not be the most beautiful world, but at times we all have our moments. =P

• silverwhisper said on Aug 25, 2008....

  beyond quoth:
  beauty is an actual state of being.

  
  within this quotation there is so very much wisdom, beyond. i see that you are starting to lose sight of this truth a bit. allow me to remind you then that this is undeniably a truth of life, hm?
  
  ed

• beyondtheveil said on Aug 26, 2008....

  Beauty enters our life in so many ways. I can still see beauty even in this state of mind. I know this because I saw it after writing this post.
  
  I watched step by step as people took their time to read this post. Then they wanted to say something, to offer their help. Through their thoughts, they put it to words.
  
  The grace of these comments reflect the beauty in the people of this community. You can see it everywhere, the offerings of themselves, how their words soothe and how they tell of living the same difficulties in their own life.
  
  There were those who read, but didn't comment. They comment elsewhere, however, and spread the beauty for others. I thank them for reading.
  
  Its called giving of yourself, and that is the greatest beauty of life, I feel.
  
  You are all beautiful people and I hope that helps in your day.
  

• truthsayer said on Aug 26, 2008....

  : )

• queenparanoia said on Aug 26, 2008....

  thank you beyond... ;-)

• silver_phoenix said on Aug 26, 2008....

  hey beyond~ awww, you are beautiful too!

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