The Biblical story of Tamar is a story about sex and death and greed. It would make for a good Showtime mini-series.

The original story can be found in the book of Genesis, chapter 38. But I'll fill in some of the blanks here, so you can understand what was Really happening. Otherwise you won't know what was going on, even though you are reading the original. Because a lot of time has passed, and there were a lot of things most definitely left in between the lines, things that a contemporary reader would have known very well, but that sail right over your head unnoticed.

As background, the forefathers of the Jewish religion are Abraham, his son Isaac, and his grandson Jacob who was also called Israel. Jacob's 12 sons were the basis for the 12 tribes of Israel. One of those 12 sons was Yehuda, or in English, Judah.

Judah married his oldest son to a girl named Tamar. Tamar was later to become the ancestor of King David and Jesus. But the oldest son was not the ancestor of King David and Jesus. Judah was.

Meaning that Judah had sex with his daughter in law Tamar.

This didn't happen right away, and it wasn't intentional on Judah's part, though it was on Tamar's part. Judah didn't know that the girl he was having sex with was his daughter in law Tamar. She knew.

And money was involved. Lots and lots and lots of money. Not just a goat, as the Bible would suggest. Nope. The equivalent of millions of dollars in today's parlance, most likely. Judah was a rich man.

Here's how it transpired. Tamar was the wife of Judah's oldest son. The son died, leaving Tamar a penniless widow. She wasn't pregnant by the son, she had no stake in the family, she had no claim on the massive inheritance, she was a penniless widow without a pot to piss in.

One alternative was to send her home to her parents, so they'd be burdened with her. But the socially acceptable alternative, mentioned in the Bible, was for Tamar to be kept in the family. She was supposed to marry the second son rather than be put out of the house.

Judah's second son was Onan. You might recognize the name. Onanism means masturbation. Actually, masturbation has nothing to do with it. It's all about money.

Judah wanted Onan to accept Tamar as his wife. But there were huge financial reasons for Onan to refuse to. He'd be losing a hell of a lot of money by doing so, if he impregnated Tamar. Here's how it went.

As it was, without Tamar in his life, Onan is the eldest son and therefore inherits a double portion of Judah's estate. There is one more brother. So Onan would get 2/3 of Judah's estate, which would be the equivalent of millions today, and little brother would inherit 1/3.

However, look how the math changes, if Onan gives Tamar a son. In such a case, Onan's son is legally considered to be his older brother's son, oddly enough. And that boy becomes the head of the family, replacing Onan, because he comes from the oldest son's line. Nuts, no? And that boy is the one to get a double portion. So with 3 sons, here's what you'd get. The baby gets 50%, Onan gets 25%, and little bro gets 25%.

Why would Onan want to voluntarily switch from head of the family getting 67% to junior partner getting 25%? Is it really worth it to have sex with Tamar?

Assuming, say, that Judah's estate comes to about 10 million dollars in today's world, Onan gets 7 million if he doesn't give Tamar a son, but he only gets 2.5 million if he does, plus he loses head of the family status.

Thinking from Tamar's point of view, if she has no son by Onan she gets absolutely nothing and has to go home to mommy and daddy broke. If she does have a son with Onan that boy inherits 7 million dollars and becomes the head of a very wealthy clan. There's a hell of a lot at stake for her.

Onan has the right to just refuse to marry Tamar, and that is what he would like to do, except for the social stigma. If he refuses to marry Tamar, she gets to publicly spit in his face, and he looks like shit for the rest of his life. He's the asshole who refused to marry his older brother's wife. Onan doesn't want to have to go through that.

So Onan tries to take the easy way out. He plays the good brother, winning points in the community, agrees to marry Tamar, pretends he doesn't care about the money. He has sex with Tamar. But ..... he pulls out before he comes, and squirts on the floor. Who's going to tell? You think Tamar is going to start telling the neighbors that her husband pulls out prematurely and squirts on the floor? So Onan thinks he has the problem solved. Tamar can't say that she isn't getting fucked. She is. In more ways than one.

Then Onan dies young.

Where does that leave Tamar? It's unlucky to marry a two-time widow. You'll be the third to die young. Judah does not want to marry his youngest son to this black widow spider. He does but he doesn't. He does because it is the socially accepted, expected, thing to do. He doesn't because he's superstitious about having all his sons die young as a result of being married to this black widow.

So Judah compromises. He lies. He sends Tamar home, which is the important thing, to protect his son from the black widow. But he doesn't admit he's ridding himself of Tamar. He tells her that he will give her his youngest son when the boy gets old enough to marry. He won't.

Years pass. The youngest son is old enough to marry. Tamar is never contacted. One day, Judah happens to be traveling near where Tamar and her parents are living. Tamar approaches him. He doesn't recognize her. She doesn't tell him who she is. She is wearing a veil. She's incognito. Since she approached him so directly, and as far as he's concerned she is a stranger, he naturally thinks she's a prostitute. No other woman would walk right up to him and start a conversation. She's obviously a prostitute. His wife is dead. He's horny. He's the perfect customer for a prostitute.

He broaches the subject. She asks what's in it for her. He offers a goat. She says where's the goat? He says it's at home. She says really? He says yeah. She says give me some security, give me your signet ring and your staff and this and that. A signet ring is sort of like a driver's license as a form of ID. You use it to seal correspondence with, identifying yourself by your seal. Judah is thinking pussy pussy pussy. He gives her the ring and the staff. The rest is history. He makes her pregnant with twins, and one of those twins becomes the ancestor of King David and Jesus's mother Mary.

Judah returns home without his seal and staff. He sends a servant to get them back in exchange for a goat. The servant comes up empty and gives Judah back his goat. The mystery girl can't be found.

A few months later, someone tells Judah that his daughter in law Tamar is pregnant and was guilty of prostitution, cause she sure ain't married. Judah says to burn the bitch. What a hypocrite.

Tamar sends Judah back his seal and staff with the message that whoever this belongs to is the man who made me pregnant. Right about this time you can picture Jackie Gleason on the Honeymooners going hommina hommina hommina, stuttering and sweating.

Judah may be (and in fact Is) a hypocrite, but he's no murderer, and he will not protect his reputation if it means killing this girl. He of course stops the execution. The Bible doesn't tell whether Judah admits to being the John in this case, but it does say that he stops the execution. If he's like his son Onan, he probably doesn't admit being the John. What he does say is that he's at fault more than she is because he failed to marry her off to his youngest son. So in my opinion, he hides the fact that he's at fault more than she is because he fucked her. Instead he seizes on a side issue. It's like saying it's his fault that the girl went wrong, without saying he actually fucked her.

As to the eventual inheritance, I think it most likely all went to the youngest son. Judah didn't accept Tamar into his home. What the hell does he want her there for? So whatever her plan was, I think it failed. I don't even know if she ever got the goat. Judah just most likely kept his participation a secret and never acknowledged Tamar's sons as his own. But in that case, how come we know that those boys are the ancestors of David and Jesus? Why would anyone keep track of the doings of a pair of nobodies?

I guess the obvious answer is that while the story of Tamar may indeed be true (why would anyone make it up?) it is not true that the boys were the ancestors of David and Jesus. There is motive to say that David and Jesus are descended from the forefathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. In times of royal succession, you can't get much more royal than Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, so that puts a halo around David and Jesus, when in fact nobody had the slightest idea whether or not they were descendants of Jacob.