Last week, and now continuing into this week, I have been plagued with thoughts, memories, self-hatred, anxiety.... I was out of town last week and so I didn't get to see my therapist. I did hear from her a couple of times, via email, but it isn't the same as *seeing* her, *talking to her*.
I had initially scheduled an appointment for tomorrow, but something came up and so early this morning, I called her to see if she had any openings for today. She said she had one at noon, and I told her noon would work out great. Wow! Things are looking up today, I thought to myself, I got an appointment at the last minute, I'll be able to talk about everything I've felt last week and this week....I was instantly relieved.
I arrived at her office a few minutes early, as I typically do, and I sat in my car for a minute, then proceeded to enter her office at exactly 12:00. Now, I should explain that my shrink's office ain't like it is in the movies...where you enter through one door, exit through another....thereby eliminating the possiblity of seeing any other *crazy* person there. Her office is actually in an old downtown house - and it's very informal.
Anyway, I digress....so I walk into her office and out walks a woman who works in my office. She said hello Hungry, I said hello, office girl... she exited and I entered. I was so taken aback by the situation, I began to shake and when I looked at my shrink, she said, "i'm sorry".
I should explain that although I am quite open about my life here, @ SC, IRL, I am a VERY private person. I also hold a high level position in an office where there are over 200 people - I am visable, they know me. Now, I use the term "know" pretty loosely. They "know" I am an executive, they "know" I sit in a corner office and I have blonde hair.... and that's all they "know". And I prefer to keep it that way!!!!!
The woman I ran into in my shrink's office is an hourly employee who works FOR someone who works FOR me. I am now mortified of the rumors that will be flying around the office tomorrow! You know when you get 200 women together..................
Shrink says to me, "I tried to hurry her out before you got here."
Hungry, "This is just great......." Shrink, "You still really care a lot about what people think of you. " Hungry, "Hello! I am in a leadership position!!!! AND! As you are well aware, I TRY to keep my personal life seperate from my professional life."
I was visibly shaken the entire hour which really made it difficult for me to think of anything else. I can't believe she didn't call me ahead of time, or email me, or SOMETHING! She had to know it would bother me... she knows me better than anyone!
As I was leaving she asked me to call her or email her tonight to let her know how I was doing. Shitty! That's how! I don't even know what to say to her tonight. Let's see, I left your office feeling more anxious than when I arrived, and it was a situation that could have been avoided had you picked up your fucking phone and called me?
Am I being hyper-sensitive?
