I attempted to go out on Saturday night. Well, actually I did. After having millions of friends in my homeland, I suddenly realised I had no one to call. So I went alone.
Always alone. How alone I have become.
They have ensured that I am always alone. All attempts of making friendships are quietly discouraged. And the only opportunity I have is to make friends in their circles. Any friendships I have forged on my own have been completely stopped.
Its scary that someone hates you so that they wont let you go. But just keep destroying you. And know that tey have effectively prevented you from any place to go.
I am responsible for another, my own flesh and blood. And they make sure a little threat here and there not obvious that I can't go on my own, ever. Even to regain my sanity.
But for the sake of who I am responsible for, I need to be sane.
So whatever happens, I get on with it, for I must.
I am so alone, and I pine away, why must my heart be strong. Why cant I just die in my sleep like so many others in this world do. The lucky few who can die in their sleep.
Suicide? Never, I don't have the guts.
So just so bloody alone. How much longer can my mind take this.
Do they know I am so alone?