sat 16 aug 08 Greenfield
oh yes it does, people, the hook hurts a whole hell of a lot. you own the hook, you made it, but you yourselves haven't been run through with it. it does indeed hurt. all pain is acceptable as long as it's inflicted by the one with the pole. all rights are disposable for the one being used. all misery is fine, as long as it's not YOUR misery. corrupt, sociopathic systems. MADE corrupt and sociopathic by the people at the top, i realize that, but i do wish that at least a few of the lower echelons had tried to protest what was planned for me. starting with the department of mental health, for one. moving on to my own doctors, who ceased to look out for MY interests months ago. now they are all fired, and i'm doctorless. not that any NEW doctors wouldn't also be co-opted by the hollows that run my life, but it's time for new betrayals. i'm weary of the old ones. it seems that betrayals and abuses are just about all i can get, so let's ditch the old ones and get some new. and as concerns the lower echelons, aside from my sadness at the lack of protest, i have absolutely nothing against most of them (though there are indeed a few that i simply can't stomach). they seem to be in general decent people, and they work hard to do the things they're supposed to do for me. but until you're the worm of the hollow men in this particular, bizarre situation in which i find myself, you can't ever, ever know how devastating it is.
Update 8 Aug 2009: The hollows I refer to here are again the agents that I believed (again, because of Matthew) were protecting me, and in particular their bosses. Some of the people I still believe to be Matthew's boys were decent enough to me last year, but I couldn't understand why they would let this homelessness of an innocent person and her use as bait go on without some kind of protest to their bosses over the wrongness of this, the immorality of it. And I have indeed come to believe (if Matthew told the truth), that the federal police are indeed a corrupt, conscienceless system.
