i had an idea what to type....but now i'm not completely sure i do.
cause it's possible.
no.....likely.
that i don't really know myself even now.
and i didn't know myself all that well before.....and i LEAST knew myself when i was inbetween now.....and before.
i'm frustrated, and possibly insane.
i've just been thinking a lot about where i've been and where i'm going and how i'm going to get there and where i want to end up.
and there have been so many many confused decisions i've made that have been really really bad, and have hurt me and people around me.....when all i was trying to do was the best i could in getting out of a really crappy situation.
is that an excuse? have i come far enough for other people to be able to forgive me?
who am i now?
what do i want now?
why do i still feel like a chameleon?
why do i have so much trouble deciding for myself what it is I want.....and once i've decided....why is it SOOO easy to change that based on what other people want???
why is it such a burden to figure out who and what i am??
Fallyn posted on Aug 15, 2008
| views: 103
Comments
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Lucytorial said on Aug 15, 2008....
Okay so the whole female population of soulcast need to get drunk! hang on.. Wombie's got beer, I've got wine, secret likes dacquaris even though she can only have two... lets get drunk, stop beating ourselves up and enjoy finding out who we are and what the hell we are doing here. -
Fallyn said on Aug 16, 2008....
i've never been drunk before.......
but i need something, that's for damn sure.
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Lucytorial said on Aug 16, 2008....
What do you mean you have never been drunk before? are you fucking with me? -
Fallyn said on Aug 16, 2008....
i tried once.
i just got really sick.....and not even buzzed.
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Lucytorial said on Aug 16, 2008....
That totally sucks! man, what were you drinking? -
Fallyn said on Aug 16, 2008....
i think it was like.....wine coolers or something. i drank 6 in about an hour.
the last time i drank anything harder i ended up in bed for three days.......i'm allergic to some kind of vodka. that was just one shot.....maybe two. i can't remember.
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beyondtheveil said on Aug 16, 2008....
fallyn- I'm wondering if you have done one thing every pro I've ever heard say you must and that is you have to put up borders, draw the line in certain places with people. How can you get anywhere at all if people are allowed to walk into your life and change decisions you've made?
And not knowing what you want is not rare by any means. I spent a good part of my life searching for something I had no idea what it was I was searching for.
And after a great marriage, kids and retirement, I'm still trying to figure out if I found it.
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wishyouwerehere said on Aug 16, 2008....
Hi Fallyn -The place to start is with yourself. You need to turn your compassionate inward and realize we all make mistakes. We hurt other people, whether deliberate or unintentional. We all do it. Forgiving yourself will allow you to extend deeper understanding to others and it will also provide you with a fresh start. Live your life in the present. Do the best you can. Learn from your past experiences, but do not let them stop you from moving forward.Remember that forgiveness is a process. Judging from where I'm at myself, you will need to come back to it every once in a while, but you are well deserving of letting go of the burden.Namaste - Wishy -
Fallyn said on Aug 16, 2008....
beyond...tha'ts the problem......my wants seem to change...*sigh* i just wish i knew.
wish.....my brain knows all that......i'm just having a hard time actually doing.
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wishyouwerehere said on Aug 16, 2008....
Fallyn - It definitely ain't easy but that's probably true for most things that are worth the while. -
Fallyn said on Aug 16, 2008....
yes i believe so.
Comment on "me now....and then....and inbetween."
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