I don't know what it is about me, but I have a hard time making friends. I really have no idea where it goes wrong, since I am outgoing and talkative and open to people. Usually, when I am on one-on-one with a person, the conversation goes more than o.k., and I always hear the same from them: "I gotta tell you, you really are O.K.".
Still, as a group people just don't seem to like me for some reason. I really have no idea why it is happening to me. I know my mother was the same way, and it actually is the reason she got so upset about her life adventually. I never understood her decision, or her stuggle when I was younger. But as the years pass by, and I have to face the same thing over and over again, I start to feel what she must have felt.
I feel like I am not good enough, I feel like people are right to not to be around me, because I already know that my friendship just doesn't worth it. But than being lonely hurts.
When I started at soulcast about two years ago, I thought it was a good way to let some steam out. I used to come up here and just write out everything I would have discuss with the friends I lack. Almost like a therapy. I didn't read many blogs, but than, I didn't get into online fights or made any enemies.
The more time I've spent up here, the more interested I became about the people I saw up here. I started wondering why my blogs never got many readers and comments. I looked at other blogs and started to comment them too. I wanted to become a part of this community.
But when I did that, the only reaction I got from the members of this community was the one I am way too familiour with.
Ignorance.
It became just another disapointment just to log in and see that there were still no comments other than a couple of people here and there. I must say, Silverwhisper is THE ONLY ONE who've never failed to comment on my stupid little blogs. Thank you for that my friend.
Anyway, I really don't want to get attention by working on your pitty. It is just one of those blogs in which I am writing about how I feel. I seriously do not expect you all to write a nice little line just to make me feel better. These things should not come on order. And to tell you the truth, I'm not even sure when and if I am going to log in here again.
