There are times when everything just seems right. The temperature is perfect, the night sky is perfectly lit, the moon is shining, and everything just seems to be falling perfectly into place; It's as though my life worth is being kept score on a tetris board and all the pieces are falling too quickly, but I'm finally prepared for the pieces and I'm flipping them into place at just the right time. Satan is against me, quickening the pace, but God and his angel helpers are putting them right where they need to be, when they need to be there. Tonight is one of those nights.

Yes, I just walked from my failed relationship, but one must face the facts, it was over long ago. Trying to rectify the ashes and burnt pieces is a meaningless task. I was not the deciding factor, I only chose to save the only thing I had left after an endless struggle of relentless betrayals and lies... my self respect. We must not toil in the lost efforts to make one fall for you and feel as you do. It's impossible. If it's not what someone wants, despite the words flowing from his/her oral cavity suggesting that it is, the signs shine through stronger and it's time to walk. A person must rely on his own determination, strength and self purpose to withstand the impact of the inevitable breakdown which follows shortly thereafter. Some prefer to choose the rebound route, while less respectable, it works for some. I, however, am not one of those people. I am finding peace and happiness in my solitude. Of course, the endless support of amazing people is a strong backbone to help when losing the footing on the path I must travel. 

Despite this anguish, tonight feels right. I beckoned my retreat, the place that seems to bring me peace through most any emotion, and I stood there briefly, staring at the sky, breathing the crisp, warm summer air. No, today was not one of those days where I could breathe with ease, but it was less severe than most days. Possibly, this is almost the end of my years of sheer torture and struggle. Maybe, just maybe, my doctors actually figured out what was wrong and have me on the path to recovery. It seemed like it tonight, anyway, when I was standing under the street light. It occurred to me for the first time tonight that the wall which was being built was finally finished. The cement had dried, so I climbed it. Yes, today I believe I actually conquered something. It was greater than the wall I had just climbed. I had climbed over wall that has been shielding my life. I found self worth in my own company. I was relying on no one and that is more satisfying than being loved by everyone or anyone, because, for today at least, no one can bring me down except myself. And I won't let me bring myself down today.

I believe everyone needs a wall to climb. It changes perspective, which can be just the solution to incessant panic or a life long struggle.